Miss Honor~My Superwoman of January....

      Hello Loves, How are you all this week? Things have been a little crazy & I cannot even believe the month is practically over! I had promised you all that each month I was going to feature an Inspiring Woman & I know I am a little late but better late than never. On my Instagram I am featuring one woman a week yet on here I plan to do it once a month. So this month's "Superwoman" as I like to call is the Amazing, Beautiful, & Vivacious Miss Honorine! I have connected with her on the world wide social networking site Instagram, & thankfully she has took me under her wings & helped me reach a wider audience within my goal of helping women see their beauty as well as she has too.

      I cannot remember how I stumbled upon her account but I am so grateful I did because her & I have the same goals & views on that we as women should "Lift each other up no matter what & by doing that we are lifting ourselves up too!" She has started a movement called "Honor My Curves," as I have with my "Self-Love" Projects on Instagram. Everyday she will post an Inspiring Picture of herself with an insightful thought or powerful quote, & has started a community for women to post pics. of themselves so that they have a platform to show why they "Honor Their Curves." And it is not just honoring curvy women but honoring all shapes & sizes of women & men. Her goal just as mine has been to hopefully help them see their beauty & I know that we have spoken about in that it helps us love ourselves a little bit more as well knowing we are helping others. I wanted to dig a little more into her mind, & how the #HonorMyCurves movement got started & here's what she said...

"I started it out of my love for fashion, my yearning for self-acceptance, self-love & my belief that by supporting & being supported by other women it would help me. I discovered a couple bloggers who really inspired me to accept myself more but they were very "fashion-based," & I think that I am more "human-based." I really wanted to put the heart into my love for fashion, because it really stems from a yearning to love myself."

I also asked her for some tips that she could give some of my readers that help her feel more confident? She answered by giving these few little rules...
      1) It is easy to fall into that ditch of self-despair, but remember the road is only a couple steps away. Meaning if you fall into that self-hatred road, making self-abuse remarks to yourself, etc. that you just gotta shake it off, let it go, & keep moving forward in confidence.
      2) Fake it till you make it! Look into the mirror & say "I am worthy & I love YOU" to that person looking back at you. I think my heart & mind could see me looking back at me & it needed to hear those words so badly, even if I didn't believe them, I began to. Do it.
      3) Reach out for support. Support yourself. Support each other. Nothing makes a person more confident than helping someone else gain confidence. If you focus on the positive & helpful actions you cannot help but feel better about you too.
      4) Know that each one of us is meant to shine for our own unique reasons. Focus on what you love, crowd out what you don't. Energy goes where energy flows.

       If those 4 Amazing Tips did not convince you to fall madly in love with Honor's beautiful spirit I don't know what will. She also mentioned that her goal for the Honor Moves Movement is that "It will continue to grow & women/men everywhere will begin to see that beauty comes in different shapes & sizes; that media will embrace people in all their forms, & people will find self-acceptance & confidence from the inspiration they see in all the people participating in the #HonorMyCurves movement." Well Honor I THANK-YOU for being the Brave & Beautiful Superwoman in showing us our beauty! I can say your posts have inspired me in countless ways & I know you are doing the same for others! Keep it up girlfriend!

If you would like to continue on this beauty's journey you can find her on these networks...

1) Instagram & Twitter: @HonorCurves
2) Facebook: www.facebook.com/honorcurves

Hope you all enjoyed my 1st Superwoman of 2013! Remember were all on the same path to self-love, acceptance, & becoming Superwomen in our own right..So stay strong & know your worth!

LOVE~Within Me & All Around Me.....

Can you see the GLOW within? 

Enjoying the Simple Things that make me smile...

 Me looking around at my Art all around.....

Healthy, Passionate, Glowing with a coffee in my hand...Loving Life!

      Hello Loves, Miss you all!!! How is everybody doing? How is 2013 treating you so far? How are those "Intentions," not resolutions going? Are you meeting your full potential & treating yourself with care & love? I hope so because we all deserve it! I am going to change up my blog a bit this year & focus less on my personal life & more on things, people, & projects that INSPIRE me & in turn will hopefully inspire you! "Self-Love in a Latte" was originally started to prove that "Self-Love" should be as great as that perfect latte...so this year I want to focus more on helping you guys get the right amount of LOVE to make your latte Amazing...hence the way you feel about yourself & your life. I want to have more of a structured blog as well so that way you have exciting topics to look forward too! I always am open to your tips & ideas by the way!

      Before I get into my ideas for the blog can I just say that I feel like a NEW WOMAN? I do..compared to who I was before my 30th birthday to who I feel I am becoming feels like night & day! Like I mentioned in my last post I got into the amazing pastor Joel Osteen & listening to his inspiring 30 minute lectures. They have seriously changed my perspective on everything. But besides diving into my faith again what has helped was my legs going back into remission & being healthy. I feel so grateful that God has given me my legs back..to be able to run outside, wear high heels, & basically just to walk without a cane has made me so extremely happy. I have also met an amazing man who makes me feel like the most special girl. I always had it wrong where I thought I had to be perfect before I met someone again. That I needed to be the perfect weight, have the perfect job, & basically be flawless...but now I realize when you meet someone special you want them to be a part of your journey in loving yourself. That's a beautiful thing.

      Another thing that I am truly excited about this year is really going for my passions and dream projects! I did make a list of goals I want to achieve this year & I can proudly say that one of those is already coming into life. I am honored to the "Artist of the Month" at my friend's yoga studio called "The Yoga Mat." I am going to be having a little opening but the other day my Dad hung my work up & I felt like a proud Mama looking around at my work. I have an issue following through with things so it felt great to have finished a project & it definitely boosted my self-confidence. I have lots of dream projects I plan to work on this year & you should too! Make a list & maybe even small time lines. As far as the new ideas for the blog I want to get back to once a week & each month will be a theme! This month's theme of course is "RENEW."

       I had started a feature of posting one woman a month who inspires me & so I plan to get back to that! Before the end of the month I will be featuring an Amazing Curvy Vivacious Woman named Honor who has literally started a movement on Instagram in showing women how to Honor their Curves! I am so excited to introduce her in my next post! Get Ready! Also I will be sharing more ideas, tips, recipes, etc. within the blog anywhere from saving money on beauty products to finding that perfect inspirational goal to revamp your life! I am a work in progress so let's take this ride together!!! 2013 watch out cause were coming to get you...

A Flawed Species....Saying Goodbye to 2012

Reflection....2012

A writer....

Painting what I want....Yoga equals "Self-Love"

Coffee & Yoga....True Love

"You had the Power all along my dear." -Glinda the Good Witch from "The Wizard of Oz"

        2012....I can not be more happier that a new year is starting. Truly. When I look back on the year I wish I could grab my own self & say, "Breathe...it will all work out." It was a year of lots of moments. Growth, surprise, excitement, letting go, accepting people, taking chances, & believing even when I did not want to any longer. Look I am not gonna sit here & say how great it was because when I look back at the overall year it was hard. Truly one of the hardest & painful years I have ever been through. But the great part in that is after the storm there is always a rainbow. When I think of people I look up too~My Nana, Mariah Carey, & Marilyn Monroe I realize what they have in common is they have all survived some kind of turmoil in their lives. That is only one reason for my admiration for them though obviously. As Mariah once said, "I look at this moment as an incredible blessing. It's part of my struggle. It's made me a stronger person." So that is how I choose to look at the past year, no regret but just lessons. I saw the ugliest of myself within times, yet the strongest part of myself in other times.

      There was a lot of great moments in that I ran my second half marathon, I finished all my classes for my AA degree, I reached a lot of great girls with my writing on instagram like I had wanted to through this blog, I really deepened my yoga practice, & I saw that I can get back up after getting knocked down over & over. I want to be happy, healthy, & at peace. I want to leave behind the girl I was in 2012. Because she was not happy. When I turned thirty a few weeks ago I realized it is now or never. This will be my year. This will be my decade. I am over being a victim of the hard situations God has given me. Each situation I believe that is given to us is a test of our strength, belief, faith, & courage. If we handle each situation with those words we will thrive. I think for me the biggest catalyst of my depression in the year was my health issues, relapsing twice, & not finding an answer. We still do not have a diagnosis but I have faith that after almost two long years of waiting this will be the year. I have to put on my Super Girl Gear though & realize if & when I do relapse again I cannot let it take my happiness away. I need to keep focusing on this moment of remission & repeating everyday, "I am happy, healthy, & will get to where I want to be in life."

My 1st outside run in nearly 6 months...Pure Freedom!

      A few days after my thirtieth birthday this year I prayed & knew my perspective had to change. I stopped looking as God as someone who hated me because of all the unhappiness that was around me, especially in my health situation. Something inside said he was with me, in me, & not against me. But the only way I would know that was if I started to be thankful for what I already had, & to stop focusing on where I was, (which was where I did not want to be) but where I wanted to be, (in remission.) And a few days later after 6 long months my legs went back into remission & I was able to run outside! Do you even know how AMAZING that felt?! I knew it was not just a coincidence, but this was his way of letting me know he would heal me. First I had to heal myself. I admit I talked a lot more than I did this year. I am ready to DO this year. To really BE inspiring, to BE the artist I have always wanted to be & paint things I want to paint, not what I think people will like. To BE the independent woman I know I can be & get certain things in order. To BE more open, open to people's thoughts, to love, to taking chances, to change, to basically just be open....

Love, Laughter, & Hope in 2013....

        I am flawed & I saw a lot of my own flaws reflected back to me this year from people's words of what they really thought of me, either by saying it to my face or behind my back. Those words stung, but I am truly ready to take the pain & use it. To grow from the words that come from a place of love, & leave behing the ones that are not. To replenish the relationships I have pushed away because of my own issues, to prove not just the doubters wrong but show myself that I am good enough, smart enough, & worthy enough to have a Happy Ending too. So Thank-you to all the Amazing People who follow & take the time to read this blog. All I ever wanted was to be real & inspire others by being ME. I may have sounded like a broken record at times....but I was truthful & sometimes you have to repeat to yourself over & over that you will get through something in order to truly get over it. Remember no matter what your going through, you have to "Go through it to Get through it." Not everyone may have been able to relate to my blog this past year either if they were not going through a hard time, & that is okay. Each year is a chapter, & this was a harder chapter for me to take in. So let's say "Goodbye" to 2012 together & start fresh. I cannot wait to see the gifts God has in store for me....Happy New Year Loves!!!

   

Hello 30!!!

I'm ready for ya 30!!!

My Amazing Mariah Carey Birthday Cake!

On the Eve of my Big Birthday....

        Hello Loves!!! How are you all? Is December as crazy for you as it is for me? Christmas is in less than 2 weeks, a new year is coming, and I turned a new age & a new decade in the meantime. On December 7th I turned the Big 3-0! And I have to say it was a scary thought at first but now I am so far loving it & so ready to kiss my twenties Goodbye! But does this make me a Cougar now? LOL.. I have to admit I was so ready for a new year, new age, new start. This has since 2003 when I was first diagnosed with my autoimmune disease at 20 been one of the hardest years ever. I admit I have struggled deeply with depression, anger over my health, feeling alone, feeling trapped, basically feeling all those ugly feelings one does not want to feel. But I could not get myself out of the hole. Each day was a roller coaster...my big birthday was no exception. I ended up canceling the big party I had first wanted...& so I felt a bit disappointed in that but I realized I had to make the best of what was & enjoy who wanted to celebrate me. And if I knew how great things were gonna be after turning 30, I would of been less worried about how I was gonna celebrate it.

        The Sunday after my birthday I was playing on around YouTube & ran into a pastor by the name of Joel Osteen. I started watching his teachings & honestly for the first time in a long time I felt God. I felt reconnected & finally hopeful. Everything he said made sense. He talked about how when you focus on the discouragement & negative things, you will get more of that & never see the light. He said to move out of the self-pity mindset & know that God is in control of our lives & has a plan. He talked about that when we feel super hopeless know that God is not finished with us. For every major setback, God has an even bigger comeback. He said to be Thankful & stay in an attitude of faith. To stop dwelling, pray, & think about where we want to be not where we are at the current moment. I felt like finally after a year of shutting down my heart his words were finally opening it up again.

The New Painting I started today..feeling so Inspired again!

       Well just in the past week, I made a few amends with certain people whom had been on my mind, I finished hopefully my last semester for my AA degree, I continued to pray everyday more than I had in a while, I did yoga everyday, & felt better than I had in a long time. On Friday I got home from work, & realized that when I walked from my car to my bedroom my legs did not give out once. They also felt different & I was walking slow. Holy Crap. I called my Dad & walked up & down my backyard by the pool. "Um Dad...I'm walking normal again." I started crying & laughing...was I really going back into remission? After 6 long months I was finally going into good health. I could not believe it! I woke up Saturday & listened to Joel on my way to work. I could not help but realize that the minute I started praying again & thinking positive thoughts by focusing what was good in my life instead of what was bad had to make a difference. Every few hours I just smile & cannot believe I am able to walk normal again! It's something we take for granted. I still have my big appointment with UCLA in a few weeks because we still need to find out a diagnosis so we can figure out what causes these relapses, but in the meantime I am glowing.

       I want this year to be the best & I will make up for all the time I lost within my depression. I had literally just made an appointment with a Dr. to get on some anti-depressants the day my legs came back, but no need for that. All I wanted was my health for my birthday & God gave it too me...it was just a week late. Joel's teachings I feel came into my life for a reason as well. Being happy & positive is not easy & it's like a muscle you have to constantly workout everyday. I plan to do just that this year. I also plan to work on my relationships, my own demons, my goals, my dreams, & just be patient with God. He knows what he's doing. And I cannot wait to see what he's got in store for this new year.

The Warrior in Me.....

Me...

Writing is what always gets me through....

      Hello Loves, how are you all? I have missed you all so much! I have been so busy with school, work, etc. I have been keeping up with a project I had started the 1st of November called, "The Self-Love Project" on Instagram. Basically every single day I post an inspiring quote, assignment, thought, or whatever I feel like would be inspiring to my followers. I feel I have in a way reached more of a bigger audience than blogging because I have been getting so much amazing feedback from girls & guys about how inspired & motivated they feel! It is so fulfilling because honestly there are days where I am having an emotionally bad day but I have to force myself to see the good so that my friends on instagram won't be disappointed..LOL! I have met girls who have become friends from places like Sweden, Miami, New York...etc. It is so cool & fun to know I can make a little difference in how they feel about themselves by inspiring them.

        So much has been going on...I healed from my concussion & I sat in the Doctors Office waiting to see what was going on. He told me, "Everything looks fine but I would get it checked out by your primary Doctor." My smile disappeared. "Why is there something on my brain?" I asked as my voice trembled. "Yes but it's probably just a speck." My stomach dropped. When someone tells you there's something in your brain there is nothing scarier. Fast Forward & here I am with the results of it all. After a few Doctors, cat scans, MRI, blah..blah..I finally got the results & I am okay with it. We found some calcium deposits on my brain but all Doctors agreed it was not the cause most likely for my legs giving out, although I will see a specialist to deal with that situation. Thankfully it was nothing worse.

       I had a appointment with my 3rd set of Doctors last week at UCLA. It had been a long week...I even had blogged last week but never published it because what I wrote I realized was meant just for me. Writing is my outlet yet sometimes it does need to be private. In a nutshell after many hours spent with my math tutor I failed my 3rd test & was advised to drop it. I sat there in my counselors office as she decided to let me take a substitution class next semester since it would be my 4th time taking the class & it had been confirmed a month earlier that I do indeed have a learning disability in it. I felt relieved but like a failure in a way because I had hoped to have my AA degree by my 30th birthday this year as well as a diagnosis on my health issue. But none of that would happen.

        The day of my UCLA appointment was a rough morning to say the least, & by the time we got there I had a breakdown in the lobby of my neurologist's office. I could not help it, I was sobbing hysterically & I realized I was scared & tired of it all. All I wanted was simplicity of a healthy lifestyle without all these appointments. My Papa who had took me & told me it would be okay & then handed me a "Wienerschitzel" napkin. I started laughing & so did my Papa. It snapped me out of my meltdown moment. After a 2 hour apt. with 3 Doctors poking & prodding me they told me that they'd get back to me. Tonight one did & of course he called me while I was in the middle of another Doctor's apt...oh the irony! LOL...after I left we got a chance to talk & they have decided in January to have me in for a meeting with a team of Specialists to hopefully figure out our next step or tests to hopefully find a diagnosis. The Doctor was so sweet & really made me feel listened too. He told me, "Were not gonna give up on you Janene." Tears fell down my cheeks because that's all I want. Within these 2 years, especially past year I have really seen who has been there for me. The people who have stuck by me are some I would of never expected & some I thought would well disappointed me. But that's okay because here's the thing. I have to make a decision whether or not to be strong or weak, happy or sad, & truly find that Warrior within me. I will win. So I won't have my degree or a diagnosis by my big 30th birthday like I had hoped.

       But what I do have is me & CHOICE to get it together! I had an "Aha Moment" this week & I realized I need to daily see the good things & work through my depression. It does feel like a roller coaster as times but these trials will only mold who I'll become. So what's the good in not getting my degree yet? I have more free time to work on my upcoming solo Art Show in Jan! The blessing in still not finding a diagnosis? I don't really know yet..lol but what I do know I'm okay. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And I feel way strong! I have to stop putting my life on hold. So here we are with a month & a half of 2012 & I want to continue on my own "Self-Loving" journey! Tonight I did a little shopping at the mall, got made up by a sweet makeup artist, & just enjoyed "ME" time! Here are some goals I have for the rest of the year...

           1) To focus on doing Hot Yoga & Running 5-6x a week
           2) To read books I have been putting off
           3) To get all my paintings done for my Art Show
           4) Look into a volunteering job for 2013
           5) To make a gratitude journal & write 5 things a day I'm grateful for
           6) Start my book

       So here's the thing...I am far from perfect. I can be moody, self-centered, bratty, whatever but I can admit my flaws & if I can't be aware than I can't fix them! I want to get better not only physically but as well as emotionally. Nobody can judge until they've walked in your shoes. I don't expect anyone to anymore, I just realize I have to be strong for myself & when I feel the need to have a mini meltdown then I will. I can confidently say though that I'll be lucky enough to have someone there with a wienerschitzel napkin to dry my tears.
     

Me being silly at the mall shopping tonight! 

     

Burnt Toast~making the Best of Life...

Me~learning to listen to the positives & realizing self-love is the best kind!

A perfect breakfast...even with the burnt toast.

Soaking up this time I get to rejuvenate & relax....

       Hello Loves, How are you all today? I hope everyone is doing good & doing good things for yourselves. I have been off all week because I bumped my head at work after dropping something & got a concussion...just my luck. Lol.. but instead of getting upset like I normally would have, I just laughed it off...okay the pain pills have helped with that but just saying. Ever since my post Monday, "My Butterfly Wings," I really have been working hard on changing my perspective & what a difference it's made. I got a lot of sweet feedback on that post yet also concerned emails..but that post was not supposed to cause worry or pity..it was to show the world,"I know I'm broken at the moment but now I have the glue to piece myself & my life back together," if that makes sense. And I am. This concussion has been a blessing in a way because I haven't had a chance to breathe or reevaluate why I have been so unhappy & now with this breathing space I have been able to do that.

        I remember about a month ago I heard that the country singer LeAnn Rimes checked herself into rehab for anxiety and stress, & I remember rolling my eyes like, "Oh gosh another spoiled star being dramatic." Yet  after suffering my first anxiety attack this past month plus a second one & having the Doctor at UCLA tell me my leg issues may be caused by chronic stress, I got it. Yesterday she appeared on the talk show, "Katie," and it was LeAnn's first post rehab interview & I sat down excited to watch it. I am glad I did because I felt less alone & inspired. She checked herself into rehab the day after her 30th birthday & said that it was the "Best Present she could give herself." I sat there & a light bulb went off. My 30th birthday is coming up in December & since I had already been in that place of wanting to get better it only made sense for me too as well check myself into rehab. Rehab for my anxiety, stress, & lack of self-love. Not physically of course, but mentally. One does not need a ton of money & a fancy rehab place in Malibu..but just a will to get better.

       So in that I have really soaked up this week off from school & work. I rested, watched "Housewives of Beverly Hills, NYC marathons," & even meditated with my Mom the other night. For those of you who know me, one of my favorite things to do is go through magazines & tear out articles that interest me as well as inspiring words, pictures, & quotes. Then with those I glue them in my journals when I write..my Dad always teases me as he sees the scissors & scattered magazines asking, "Are you playing paper dolls again?" I always laugh & feel a little silly but it is truly an outlet & way of expressing myself artfully. I have a few binders with sections of the articles such as "Health, Beauty, Inspiring Articles," & so on. So I have been getting inspired because I have had time to read the advice & actually apply it. I also looked at my finances & endless health bills,(another stress) & made a map of the next few months of what little I can pay so that I don't get overwhelmed. I also made a drawer of each section in my life-My Job, My Health, Relationships, Finances, etc. because my good friend Dee told me to draw a drawer & clean out one drawer at a time. So that is exactly what I am doing.

        I went back to work today, but my boss sent me home because I have not been cleared from the Doctor yet until I get my cat scan. I'm feeling better except my ears still really hurt. My appointment was later today but I went in early to see if I could get in, & I did. I love the Doctor so much & whether he knows it or not, he truly helped me & inspired me. He asked me what I was in school for, & I told him "Nutrition...but..," my voice trailed off. "But?" he asked. "My heart is in writing & painting, especially writing." He smiled, & said "Do what's in your heart. It'll lead you the right way. Maybe you could do something to help inspire others with rare diseases. You never know." He was so uplifting & I realized it really does take just one person to believe in you. I have many, yet this older jolly man made me feel really special & showed me my potential. He just listens & takes his time with me. I told him about my new leg issues since he had asked after seeing my cane, & he said, "I bet that makes you feel a bit isolated like nobody gets what your going through huh?" I held back the tears, but smiled,"Yes, but I'm on the upward slope & things ARE getting better."

            I will be off work a little bit longer, & probably lose some money but what I have been gaining & will gain is taking time for me, & organizing not only my life but my emotions as well. Maybe hitting my head literally woke me up..Lol. I burnt my toast the other day, but instead of getting annoyed, I just shook it off, ate it, & it wasn't as bad as I imagined. And that is how is my life now..I am learning to deal with the burnt toast in a positive way. And if it is..it will get better, & I am on my road to getting happy again. So don't lose hope loves, whatever your going through. You will want to get better emotionally, even it takes almost 2 years as it has took me. So stay strong & positive & remember..burnt toast ain't so bad after all.

     

My Butterfly Wings...they may bend but they'll never break...

Finding the strength within oneself is never easy...

Doing what makes me the happiest...

Serenity..even just for a moment....

        Hello Loves...How are you all? I miss you and I truly miss my blogging...in fact I miss me. The happy & healthy Janene I used to be...I apologize for being absent from my writing but in all honesty I started to feel like a broken record. Life has many chapters in one's life & I wish I could skip through this hard one I have been in the last 2 years. I backed away from writing about what I have been going through because I asked myself, " What am I really getting out of sharing my pain to the world?" But then I get a "Thank you for inspiring me" email or message. Then I remember... Yes there are things worse off..and people worse off than me. But I still have a right to feel what I feel. I am entitled to feel what I have been going through, especially the past few months. I pulled out my keys recently & saw that the wings on my butterfly key chain had broken. I started to cry but not over the key chain..but over the metaphor over the meaning. Because that is exactly how I feel. Broken..emotionally & physically...like my butterfly.

        Then this past weekend I had one of my best friends tell me "You have changed." I could of went on the defense but instead I said, "You're right. I have changed & I see it yet cannot stop it." But then I realized I can stop certain aspects. I can change my internal dialogue. Just like working out for our body, it takes just as much if not more effort to work on ourselves emotionally. I am sick..not just physically but emotionally. I want the Doctors to find a diagnosis over my not being able to walk without a cane, I want to flourish in my career, I want to eventually fall in love again, & I want to stop feeling sad & like I'll never be healthy again. I remember when I was 20 years old after being diagnosed with my autoimmune disease I hit rock bottom. But then I woke up one day & said "Enough is Enough." And hearing my best friend say that to me, it just struck a cord deep for me, because I know she is right.

I know I'll get back to me....

      There are a lot of external things & people that I cannot control in my life right now. There are a lot of opinions I have to block out because if I don't my spirit will suffer. I have to be patient with the diagnosis over my new health issue, I have to forgive myself for the mistakes I make, but most of all I have to make a list of all the things within my life that I am not happy over so that way I can start taking medicine to heal myself. Medicine meaning making certain tough changes that have needed to make a long time ago, use my yoga, running, meditation, writing, & self-love to heal myself. I know that this is a breakthrough & not a breakdown. My butterfly wings may be bent, but they'll never be broken.