Everybody's got something to give...

      Hello Loves, how have you all been? It has been nearly two weeks since I've blogged and for those of you who follow me on instagram may saw I stepped on and cracked the screen to my laptop! Note to self; don't put your laptop on the ground. Anyways for now I'm using my lil ipad, not as easy but I couldn't go another week without blogging. Which brings me to the title of today's post, "Everybody's got something to give." And I fully believe that we do.
      You see, as children we're conditioned to go to school, pick our major, and get the career that applies to that major. But what if you have something else to give? What if that something isn't in your college catalog?  Do you just sweep it to the side and forget about it, because it's outcome isn't as promising as the career you went to school for is? Well banish that thought, because here's the thing; we all have a certain talent or talents within us that are meant to be shared. This isn't to say that going to school for a career is the wrong way, because let's say you love to help people so you go to school to become a nurse. Good for you, do it fully with passion! I'm talking about those little hidden dreams that you tucked away because you were told they had no promise.
      Well don't buy into those dream crushing thoughts, because no matter what anyone has told you about your dreams, it isn't their duty to tell you they aren't tangible. It's your job to figure out what your talent is and use it as best you can! The world is waiting to feel inspired by you. I promise we all have something magical to give....think of it as you sharing your gold with the world. Even if you decide not to pursue it as a career, don't abandon it because it doesn't benefit your bank account, use it to benefit your soul!

A Little Bit Of Perspective....

Grateful for those calm moments where everything is as it should be...

      Hey Loves...Happy Tuesday! I know...not the most exciting day of the week, but are you healthy, have a job, have a home, etc.? Then see, things are already better! It's really just all in our perspective. So many things happen around us and to us, and it's our responsibility to decide how we react to them. I know for a fact that I've always been one to react too quickly, say things before I think, and at worst make assumptions of things being worse than they are. Ever do that? It's so much easier to go to that negative place than the positive. It really does take effort to be positive and truly feel happy. But being here in Hawaii has truly inspired me to become the best version of myself possible. As humans we are always improving and growing, because if we aren't than we'll just feel stuck which leads to unhappiness. Do you feel stuck in unhappiness right now? Well let's change that!
      So how am I attempting to become this better version of myself who lives a richer life? By going out of my comfort zone and honestly just not giving a F**k what people think or say. You see in life, there will always be the ones who try to keep you exactly where you are. And if you're a chronic people pleaser like me, than this isn't easy at all. So take it day by day, goal by goal, and so on. Act like you're in rehab for people pleasing...and try to just please yourself. YOU know what is right for you. YOU know what fills your soul. We have to give up the old, to allow for the new and for the better. And yes that means working on our psyche as well.
      Let's be real, nobody likes to admit they're envious of someone else, or even a Debbie Downer. It feels shameful and that's never a good feeling. But think of it as a sign to change! When you start feeling that green eyed monster rear it's ugly head, turn it around. Ask yourself, "How can I accomplish what that person has?" And try to take those steps, but put your own spin on it. If you're being super negative, then asks yourself how that is adding to your life? In fact, you may realize it's taking away precious time instead. It may seem easy on the outside for me, because I'm living in this beautiful place, but remember I'm also on an island with JUST my boyfriend. LOL! No family, no girlfriends, no cat, and everything is unfamiliar. It's hard, but so was being back in California with everyone else, while my love was here working. So you see, I could complain either way and I did for a while but than I woke up. I started keeping a list of 5 things I was grateful for each day. I'm trying harder to point out what's positive in a negative situation. I'm also filling my soul and life up with things that make me smile, and make me feel accomplished, like exercising most days of the week. Also don't take things so seriously. Me and my bf fight like every other couple, but laughing certain things off saves a lot of headache.
       So moral of this post? Just relax, smile, pray, and shake things off. If someone is in a bad mood around you, don't get defensive; just give them space. Life can be wasted complaining (believe me I was and still have to check myself on this!) or life can be spent on enjoying even the smallest things. Try to look at life as a kid again...wide eyed and full of possibilities! Get new hobbies or revisit those things that you used to love. Have faith and stop procrastinating on your goals. Time will pass either way. Watch and read things about uplifting stories of people that maybe were in the same situation you once were, but fled free. A lot of those people's situation didn't change, it was just how they saw those situations in a new light. I could of kept on moping around here missing everyone back home, but what good would that do? So I embraced it, and started thinking differently. Come on let's change our perspectives! Why? Because there is no reason not too.

The most beautiful beach by our house...look around & explore nature!

Finding little treasures makes me realize you don't need to spend a bunch of money when treating yourself. Found these books at a $1 bookstore yesterday, as well as these adorable coffee mugs!

Beauties on a Budget....

      Hi Loves...it's almost Friday! Are you guys excited? So I know I have been raving on and on about my recent beauty finds lately...but I'm just so excited! So here's the thing. I will be 32 at the end of the year and as much as I have prided myself on not having to wear coverage like foundation or powder all these years I'm realizing....times are changing. LOL! The thought though of wearing a heavy foundation intimidated me..I didn't even know where to start or what brand. I had been watching Beauty Youtuber Teni Panosian and was getting ideas on how this full coverage thing works. She is amazing btw, if you haven't checked her out yet! Super informative makeup tutorials!
      So I ran into her video on drugstore makeup, and if I recall I believe she has more than one. So I took notes, and started feeling excited and confident that I could do this without having to go somewhere like MAC where half the time the girls there are so snotty that they don't even acknowledge you. (Sorry..lol)  Then I started pulling up other "Drugstore Hauls," they call them; basically where these Beauty Bloggers try and tell you what cheaper brands that are just as good as the pricey stuff. I started to see a pattern too of certain brands and products that kept getting brought up. So I jumped in my car and went on a mission! Here's what I got....

1st Drugstore Haul.....

1. "STAY MATTE" PRIMER by RIMMEL-So I got a primer for under my skin. I only ever knew of eye shadow primer (I know I have been living under a rock..LOL!)  I found it to be very light and it really did the trick to cover my pores and give my skin a silky feel. About $8! 
2. "FIT ME" Foundation by Maybelline-This was recommended by Beauty Blogger Teni Panosian and she raved about it not feeling too heavy as a foundation. It has sunscreen SPF 18 which is great! It made my skin look flawless, but again I don't think foundation is for me everyday. However, if your a foundation gal, try this stuff! About $10!
3. "Sun 'n' Bronze" by NYC-I got this color in "Fire Island Tan," and I was disappointed. It went on so light and was not noticeable at all. About $3!
4. "Copper Excess" Eyeshadow by MILANI-Love this shadow! It was a bronzy gold (I'm wearing it in my pics on this post) and it had a lot of pigment. Great for the daytime. About $5!
5. "Master Glaze" Blush Stick by Maybelline-I cannot rave enough about this cream blush stick! It gave me such a glow, stayed on all night when we went out, and just made me feel super girly! The color I got was "Pinched Pink." About $8!
6. "Rapid Wrinkle Repair" Serum by Neutogena-I LOVE this stuff! It hasn't even been a week and I put it on every night and I literally can FEEL it working! I believe Teni recommended this one too. I have never personally worn a serum, in fact I wasn't even sure what it was for! Well on the box, it says it reduces wrinkles that are deeper than what the typical moisturizer can do, it brightens skin, and you just feel like your skin is drinking it up! This one was about $24 dollars which was a little pricy but it is SO worth it!
7. "Positively Radiant" Tinted Moisturizer by Aveeno-OMG! OMG! OMG! This I actually just googled "drugstore tinted moisturizer because I wasn't sure on what to pick. I had tried the "Laura Mercier" one years ago, and loved it but my skin didn't react well to it. THIS ONE though is amazing! Even my boyfriend told me I was glowing and loved it over my usual heavy blush or bronzer...LOL! It's oil-free with SPF 30, and does it's job of evening skin tone, taking away dullness, but overall just making your skin look and feel hydrated and AMAZING! Only $15!
8. "Facial Clay Mask" Avocado & Oatmeal by Freeman-I loved this lil mask, I felt it was cooling and felt refreshing the minute I put it on! It has vitamin E in it and gets to the dirt deep within the pores. These mask are always fun to try cause they're so cheap too! About $3!

      So there you have it...I hope these great finds help you girls be able to be a "Beauty on a Budget!" Because why shouldn't you be?! I know I promised my skin regime, as well as the second drugstore haul I went on this past week but it would have been way too long of post so I'll be doing another beauty one shortly. Just remember nobody can tell you what looks good on you, so don't force it. Makeup is about trial and error! It should be fun and carefree...just as life!

LOVE this cream blush!

Me with the full primer and foundation look....

The AMAZING Aveeno  Tinted Moisturizer!

PS: Men will never get it...hahaha



An Attitude of Gratitude...

 

Grateful for yummy coffee, as well as "ME" time....

      Good Morning Loves! Happy Monday! I hope that you are all having a good day so far...I meant to write this post last night on gratitude, but by the end of the day my brain was a little fried so I decided to put it off till my thinking was more clearer. So I have been living in Hawaii a little over a month now, and I finally feel like myself again. You see, when I first arrived here I was excited to start a new life with my love...but after that first week it hit me; this truly was a challenge going out of my comfort zone. I broke down, and I fell a little bit into a dark place because my boyfriend would go to work and I'd be at home all day alone. Everything familiar was no more. My parent's house wasn't five minutes away where I could just drop in. My friends weren't a coffee date away. I couldn't just get up and drive to wherever I wanted because well...I didn't have a car yet. But after a few meltdowns, feeling sorry for myself, and sleeping way too much during the day to pass the long hours until my boyfriend got home I finally realized I had to snap out of it!

      I can't say what triggered it, but I just realized how good I really do have it. I have an amazing man who works hard everyday for us, and I am living in Paradise; literally. But that just goes to show you that it isn't outside things that bring us peace, it truly is within ourselves. And truth is there were things in my life that I wasn't happy with, but I was letting those things override all the beauty in my current situation. So I made a list. First, I wrote the things I wasn't happy with...

1. My weight gain over the past year, and most recently in the past few months.
2. Not having a car and feeling trapped.
3. Being lonely and missing my family, friends, and cat.
4. Lastly, feeling lost in a sense of having all this free time, yet not quite feeling motivated to start working on my career goals due to still feeling rejected after I was laid off back in June.

So I asked myself, how can I get out of this? Simple...try to make little changes daily to fix them. How? By being grateful for what I ALREADY had and use those resources to better everything.

1. My weight-I realized I could sit and wallow over this weight, or be grateful that this was my body's way of asking me to bounce back and tackle the true reason for my weight gain. Sure I could blame it all on my earlier diagnosis of thyroid disease this year, but truly I knew that I also use food to cope and maybe at 31 this was the final time in beating my dependence on it as a coping mechanism.
2. No Car-I didn't want my bf to spend money yet on one for me, because I thought I should wait until my Dad had sold my car back home so we weren't spending more money than we truly needed too. Yet he was offering me a car and so I realized how lucky I was to even have such an option.
3. Feeling lonely-This was truly in my hands, because when I get down on myself, I tend to push people away. So I realized that I was making this worse. So I started making more of an effort to face time, call, text, and send letters to loved ones. In turn, people reciprocated.
4. Feeling lost-Last, but not least I took back my power of letting the rejection of losing my job control me. After all, I had planned on leaving anyways to move here to Hawaii. And now that I have time to really focus on my writing and taking my time to follow my goals I need to utilize it! So I started watching and researching other bloggers that inspired me and it gave me that zest again that I was missing.

Slowly but surely, over the past two weeks I have started to gain perspective and realize how lucky I am. There is so much to be grateful for and the key is to stop focusing on what you are lacking, and focus on what you already have gained. So today I am starting in my journal

The space I made in my journal for my gratitude list each day.

a "30 Day Gratitude List." Everyday I am going to write 5 things in it that am grateful for. I challenge you all to join in on it with me. Even if you're going through really hard times with your finances, your health, and so on; there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. You may not see it now, but you will. So today start your day with saying, "Thank-you."

 

Hello Again....

A New Kind of Latte...

   Well hello again...welcome to my revamped blog! Gosh, it has been so long since I last blogged & I missed it so. As you can see, I changed things up a bit to give it a little makeover, since life has changed for me as well. Thank you so much for hanging in there as I took a break to gather my thoughts & ideas of what new direction I wanted to go for this blog. I shared a lot about my life and about certain subjects such as my health issues, happy moments, personal feelings, and things of that nature. I did always receive a ton of sweet emails and comments of other women telling me that they related to me, which was the BEST part. And I thank you for that!

   So why did I stop for so long? Honestly...I don't know, there were a few reasons I guess. I felt like I was in deep in terms of being so open and raw about my life, and because of that I felt a little judged. Some couldn't understand why I would want to share so much of myself with people

I didn't know. So I felt myself wanting to filter things so much that I not only erased all of my past posts on instagram that I put so much of my heart into, but I stopped blogging all together. I had built a community of inspiration between fellow instagram followers, as well as my blog followers over the past few years, and within many clicks of the "delete" button, everything was gone. It made me sad after the fact because I didn't listen to my inner gut to not be afraid to just be me. Meaning, writing without worrying about what people thought or did not understand about blogging and how helpful it can be to those who read it.

    I have always overshared, it is who I am. Whether it be through writing or talking, I at times forget not everyone is comfortable with that. But that's okay, because I am not them and they are not me. So here I am, well in a way starting over. I hope that I can gain your trust in my writing again, because truth is I lost trust in my own writing. That it wasn't inspiring enough, too much, or worst of all not enough. Truth is, we are all ENOUGH and at times need to be reminded of that. I am the same Janene, but a little more grown up. Lots of things have happened in the last nine months and I can't wait to start sharing with you all! Thanks for believing in me, and I'll never stop believing in you guys!

   So if your new to my blog, just a quick overview of who I am. I'm a 30-something year old California gal who just recently moved to the beautiful island of Hawaii with my love. I never have had my own place, let alone my own kitchen! Which is so exciting, because I have been on a mission to learn to cook! Scary....I know. LOL! I love yoga and running, and am contemplating taking teacher training for yoga. What scares me a little about that is because of my two autoimmune diseases and my body being so unpredictable at times. But where there's a will, there's a way. I graduated last summer with my AA in liberal arts, and plan to go back to get my BA in English. Sometimes I don't have the best grammar, so please no judgment...haha. I really didn't know for the longest time what I want to be when I grew up, but as of now I would say a writer.  So I'm just going to keep writing for now. We'll see where it takes me. Life is so full of possibilities and I feel like at 31, I'm just beginning.

Just Me! Don't mind the beanie, growing my hair out ;)

The beautiful view from our new porch...I feel blessed everyday.

What you waiting for?

Naturally I'm worried if I do it alone
Who really cares 'cause it's your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance 'cause you might grow
Oh, oh oh

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for?!
Tick tock, Tick Tock...
     
       Awwww....that song. Those lyrics. I had gotten this idea to title one of my blog post this after hearing Gwen Stefani's song, "What you waiting for?" running to it on the treadmill a while ago. For the first time, having listening to it a million times, finally at 30 years old, it spoke to me. Yet now, at 31 years old it is screaming at me. What are we really waiting for anyways? To be the greatest we can be, to love fully without hesitation, to wear that outfit we keep trying to get "skinnier" for, to speak up, & to basically to just live life fearlessly.
       Happy New Years Loves! Can you believe it is already 2014? Insane how the year flew by! 2013 was truly one of my best years I have had in a while...after nearly two years of depression & health issues up until then..I was breaking emotionally. Then finally, something drastically changed; me & my perspective. So what did I learn from this past year in changing those things? Well I learned to...

1. Be Bold in following your Dreams! I was always so scared of even attempting to go for my dreams because at first I thought that getting disappointed from failing would be worse than not trying at all. Because if I did not try, at least I would not be disappointed if my dreams were rejected. Yet now I realize that if you do take a chance and succeed, oh wow...what a beautiful thing. This year I finally achieved my dream of having my very own solo art show...and I sold many pieces. It really built my confidence to believe in my creative outlets. So just try it! What do you truly have to lose? The only loss in you not following you dreams is throwing away a talent that was placed in your soul by God...or your Higher Power. Dreams are above us, they are a fire that ignites within us. So what are you waiting for; Be Bold!
2. Dump that Bad Body Image Inner Dialogue! You know that other voice in your head? The one that tells you that you should not eat that & that you are not thin enough? Dump her! Sure..it is great to have weight loss goals to improve your health & boost your confidence. But here is a secret I learned this year...you must love yourself NOW because getting to a certain number on the scale shouldn't dictate your confidence or happiness. What does boosts your confidence I believe while losing weight is the dedication in waking up to get that early morning run in when you just want to press snooze again. What boosts your confidence is that you are treating your body as a temple, so therefore as a nice car that needs good gas, you are as well putting good fuel into your body. So quit thinking that in hating your body, it will help you love it more. Because it won't. Say nice things to yourself. Think of your body as a little child that you need to nourish with love and beautiful words so that it can blossom. I have struggled so much in this category, and I think for all women it will be a challenge. But practice makes perfect. So what you waiting for...keep practicing on loving your body! No matter what size! 
3. Don't be afraid to get your heart broken...because you will get through it. I was lucky enough to fall in love twice this past year, which was a lot seeing that I had not been in a serious relationship in nearly 3 years. I was with my ex E from the beginning of January till memorial day. Needless to say, getting dumped was not the way I imagined starting my summer. Our breakup hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. And in turn I was, yet that forced me to dig up the one best friend whom I knew would always be there; myself. I made a vow that I would have a theme song to help me get through it, and so I did. It was Sarah Bareille's song, "Gonna get over you." I played it everyday rain or shine, tears or no tears. The lyrics gave me such power..."Goodbye" is the first word of the song. I ran a lot, I wrote, I cried, I sipped wine...although I did immediately erase his number so there would be no drunk texting! LOL...that is my #1 tip...haha! And honestly I just lived. And dated, which yes made me miss my ex even more, so I realized I still wasn't ready. But it made for some funny stories to tell later. So what you waiting for...move on from that dead end relationship or breakup. Be grateful for the good that your ex brought you, & leave the negative stuff behind. I promise you that what you find on the other side will be way better than you could have imagined. 
4. Know that when Love is right...it isn't always easy, but it will always build you up, & not knock you down. Shortly after my breakup, 2 months to be exact..I reconnected with my childhood best guy friend D. We had always been friends, which was something that I had lacked in almost all of my previous relationships. You have to have that solid foundation to truly make things work. The guy you're with should bring out the best in you & love you so much that their love spills onto you, & your self-acceptance. If the one you're with makes you feel belittled in any way, intimidates you, embarrasses you in front of others, than he is not the one for you. D will point out to me if I am being a brat, but it is in a loving way that helps me become a better person. It is always in my best interest. Love is truly a beautiful thing when it flows, but there will be challenging times as well. Me & D now live together, which can be hard, & is so foreign to me..but it is all so worth it because we are building a life together. So what are you waiting for...go find that great love of yours! 
5. Last, but not least create a "Vision Board," & plan to make your visions a reality! I was not a big believer in this whole "Vision Board" idea I had heard from Author Gabrielle Bernstein in early 2013. But I figured, "What do I have to lose?" So I made it...I had cut out pieces of the word, "Job Interview," because after nearly 10 years of being at my dead end job, I was praying to get brave enough to move on. And in July, I found that new job. I had put images of  couples, & I fell in love. I graduated college. I stayed in remission with my disease. Amazingly, a lot of those visions came true. The board was a little reminder to keep me on my life path. So make a day to sit in your space...get some good music, grab a latte, & start cutting out those words & images that you want for yourself ion 2014!  Whatever that be that makes you happy. Maybe you aren't a planner or enjoy making "To Do" lists, or vision boards like I do...so go...be spontaneous & reach for those dreams! Do the things you've been itching to do! Call that family member or friend. Forgive easily. Sleep in. Love fully. Or quit that job! Go back to school! Take that trip...that chance...those risks! After all...What you waiting for?! 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Finally....I feel like I'm there

"Age gave me the freedom to be me.."

      ~ When I was younger I was always living in the future. I used to think, "I'll be happy when I'm thinner, prettier, more popular"....there was always some place I was reaching to get to so I could give myself permission to be happy. Little did I know this whole time it was here all along; it was already within me ~

        Hello Loves! Happy Monday...can you believe it's already the holiday season? I love it! I love the warmth within strangers, gingerbread lattes, windy days...it's just a special time. So I was thinking of this past year & in a few weeks I'll be coming upon my 31st birthday. Wow...time flies when you're having fun. 30 has literally been one of my most defying and growing years in so many amazing ways. The other day I was at a family baptism & a few of my family members said to me & to my Mom how I seem so happy. And you know what? They're absolutely right. I have never felt at peace in so many ways & I truly believe turning 30 has done that. 

       As most of you who have followed my blog and daily self-love posts on instagram know my story. And for those of you who don't...well let's just say it was a rocky road to get to where I am. But I would not have it any other way. I realized that next month will be a year since I have been in remission with my legs. I have not had to use a cane, no crazy Doctor apts...just my regular appointments to check up on my autoimmune disease to make sure I stay in remission. I am so blessed to be healthy, & there is never a day that goes by that I don't thank God for that. Especially since the past two & a half years I was always sick & relapsing.

     

     I was lucky enough to fall in love, not once this year but twice. And even though that break up hurt me back in the beginning of summer, I'll always be grateful for that time. My ex showed me to believe in love again, & now my current love has showed me what a "Fairy Tale Love" feels like. I've found my true soul mate in my childhood best friend. I joked with him the other day that if I would of known he'd be the one at 15, I could of saved myself so many years of sadness, bad dates, & heartache with men. But he'd reminded me that timing was everything. He's right...because I was that girl who never felt good enough therefore I chose guys who maybe weren't the best for me. They disappointed me, left me speechless at times, & broke my heart. Yet each relationship showed me who I was, each ending led me to a new beginning. A stronger version of myself. And now that I have Donald, I see that he only helps to guide me to be a better person. A more loving, compassionate, & strong person. With him I'm "there" already. 

        But best of all, turning 30 gave me the freedom to be me. The brave me, the vulnerable me, the genuine me, & in the end I FINALLY felt like I discovered the true beauty in me. As a teen I was so mean to myself, & constantly living in the "When I get there," mentality. I was searching for the perfect number on the scale, when this year I finally threw out my food journal & scale & just made the decision to eat to live, not live to eat. And I'm the healthiest I've ever been. I graduated college with my AA, & I plan to go back but after years of struggling with my learning disability,  I am taking a break. Graduation was a breakthrough moment because for me it validated my perseverance. And never feeling smart enough has always been a huge insecurity for me. And when I put on that cap & gown this year, I felt "there" FINALLY. I had my first solo art show & sold pieces, which was so gratifying because I was FINALLY brave enough to share my personal pieces of art. I FINALLY left my job of ten years, & got over my fear of unknown territory. All these dreams had started to become reality & it was as if I was on the outside looking in. 

        I feel like all these happy moments are everything I deserve. Only pure happiness can be appreciated when you have been through dark phases. My faith in God & praying to my Nana has helped. Writing has helped. Running & yoga have helped. My family & friends have helped. But in the end it all came down to changing my perspective. And last year a few days after my 30th birthday something FINALLY clicked, & I knew if I wanted to be truly happy I'd have to work for it. And I have...& the beauty in that is I was so close to being "there"...but I just had to allow myself to FINALLY realize it. And you all will too, if you haven't already.