The line in Social Media: Real vs Fake

Hey Loves! Happy Sunday! Hope you are all well! So there has been a lot of talk online lately about Instagram Star/Model Essena O'Neil coming out and claiming that social media is fake, staged, and basically just a facade. I never followed her on Instagram...but I did on her YouTube, where she'd post great vegan recipes as well as beauty tips. Looking back though, her videos did show this almost "too perfect" life of no dirty dishes and pretty decor. Yet isn't that what us humans want...only to see the pretty things? What's your take on Essena's claim? 

I've been blogging over 3 years now, and on Instagram did a year long "Self-Love Project" where daily I would post either a message under a picture I took or my take on a picture quote I saw. It actually was really cool and I met tons of amazing women around the world whom I still talk to, write letters with, and so on. I think when it stops being fun is when you need to reevaluate it. Towards the middle of my year long project, it started to become hard, especially after my breakup. But I tried to keep it as real as I could, but even that was a little too open for others I knew. It made them uncomfortable that I was comfortable with sharing the realness of my struggles. Whether it was about my breakup, my health or my lack of feeling good enough. Someone is always going to have something to say, no matter what we post. I think people respected the fact that I was honest though, because they could relate to me more.

Essena makes it a point to say why social media stopped being fun for her. She said she was forcing products to sell, forcing "zen" in her yoga picture poses, and all together just forcing some picture perfect life. I think it's so commendable that she's coming out because she wants women to stop reaching to obtain "this life" because in reality you never really know if that even exsists. You could see a girl sporting exspensive name brands while struggling to pay her rent. Or maybe they do really have that money...but are really just empty inside and use those materialistic things to feel whole? You never really know.  

We've all been guilty of it. The girl who posts the dolled up selfie in hopes of the "You're so pretty" compliment. I WAS that girl. But I realized those compliments I got only filled me up for a minute. I'm all for a selfie here & there...if you're having fun, feeling pretty, why not? But it's when you live for those likes and compliments. Are you posting a million couple pictures hoping to get a "OMG #goals" type comment? (So stupid that goals hashtag by the way!) If you're so confident in your relationship you shouldn't have to remind the world of that daily. Goals should be trying to inspire others by how nice you are. Mother Teresa didn't look perfect or need to brag to get love, she was just a good human being. And truthfully if you're posting fake images of a life that you don't really live, well jokes on you.

You see my picture above...as soon as I took it, I looked down and there was a fly in my coffee. I could of posted it and said "Perfect Sunday" or some BS like that...Lol...but no there's a damn fly in it. You all may see me post pretty pictures of living in Hawaii. It's beautiful, but I've really struggled living here away from my family and friends. You've seen me and my BF, but we have our fights just like everyone else. And that's okay. That's real life! It's fine to  post pretty pictures and follow others pretty accounts too, but make sure it brings something to your life! If it motivates you, makes you laugh, and inspires you then you're using social media the right way. If not then it's time to press "Unfollow." 

Getting unstuck...

Hey Loves! Happy October! Can't believe we're already halfway through the month. And only two and a half months away from 2016! WOW! Now as you know the New Years is a huge time to set goals, start fresh, and just live the best you can. I gotta say over the past year since I moved to Hawaii I have been living in a prison. Within my own mind...have you ever felt that way? I've limited myself to the point of being handicap socially, professionally, and so on. I did not like Hawaii and that was that. I wasn't with my friends any longer, I wasn't with family, and overall wasn't settled.

 Since I have known that my bf has commited to a certain amount of years here I have been counting the days down...literally. Just trying to get from one day to the next. It's kinda like when you hate your job and you start counting the hours down the minute you clock in. That's how I have been living life. Not a positive way to think or live. But since I have gotten pregnant there has been a lot to think about. It isn't just about me and my boyfriend anymore. It's about the life inside of me now. And I want to be the best role model I can. 

I've always been a procrastinator and would always put things off until the last minute. Or I would just completely miss my chance and the moment would pass me by. Well I don't want to live that way anymore. They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Well since moving to Hawaii I have wanted to resort to that comfort zone. Go back to the life I always knew. But would that even really make me as happy as I think it would? 

It's all in perspective and mine has been so negative since moving to Hawaii. I would say "I have no friends, no family, I hate Hawaii. I hate it so much!" But is it Hawaii's fault I've been so stuck? Hell no. It's mine! Playing the victim role and alloying the ego to rule my happiness. After we left our Doctor's Apt yesterday we had just found out about having a boy. We went to Honolulu to celebrate and eat. Walking around there always makes me so happy. It's always sunny, there are a lot of people and great energy. I already felt uplifted! 

Knowing my boyfriend's job has much more opportunity here in Hawaii maybe it was time to stop hating it here and start loving it. We decided the number one reason we have been unhappy is where we have been living. It rains everyday and there isn't much going on in our town. So we started driving around the island and he was showing me potential places to live. I started feeling something I haven't felt in a long time...excitement and hope. It was so sunny and as dumb as it sounds I hadn't seen that in a while. I'm definitely a person who is affected by the weather. Maybe this was a place I could settle into. I have been meeting more girlfriends and stuff so maybe it could. Get back to me. There will be a lot of changes to come in the next few months before the baby comes, but it's all exciting stuff. 

Have you been stuck like me? Where nothing excites you like it used too? Your job sucks, you're bored, and feel your life is mundane? I totally get it and I want you to know it can and will get better. It's all up to us. And I don't know about you..but I'm really to start living and stop drifting through life. 2016 is coming but there's no reason we can't start to renew our lives now and get unstuck. Let's do it together! 

Dating Diaries of my 20's...The "Don'ts"

Hey Loves! How are you all? Happy Friday! So I've been thinking a lot about my 20's and things I've learned along the way~especially about dating. I've now been with the man I'm going to marry for a few years now and I couldn't be happier. But let's be real...it took a lot of frogs and bad dates to find my Prince. So here a few dates I went on and why you should run if you see these signs on a 1st date too...LOL

~The guy who claimed he was so rich he pulled out a dollar bill to use as a napkin for his gum! Yes I know! Disgusting!

~The guy who took my leftovers home at the end of our date. One word: Cheapass! Lol!! 

~The guy who kept saying, "I don't mean to sound conceited but..." No stop! You are conceited. 

~The "WE" guy. As "Sex & The City" did an episode on this..it's true. They're out there! Lol! 

~The guy who doesn't offer you a beverage or snack at the movies. First he paid for our movie date with coupons..then he walked by the snack bar faster than fast. I was practically choking on my own saliva during the 2 hour movie! Haha!!! 

~The guy who has road rage on the 2nd date. Yes he was cussing at the car in front of us...I then knew I had to run...fast! Lol..yikes! 

 

So those are some bad dates I went on through my 20's. Some things are silly but here's the thing-there are always red flags in dating and eventually relationships. Here are a few I saw through the years in other guys that I ignored but I'm hoping you won't ignore these as well. 

 ~The guy who will embarrass you in front of other girls or waitresses. Think about it-your partner is supposed to have your back, and laugh with you. Not laugh at you with others. 

~The guy who says he doesn't want kids. Sometimes it's not even that-he just doesn't want them with you. Harsh I know. 

~The guy you have tons of fun with when you're sipping on wine, but when sober it's not so fun. Same with sex. It will all dwindle away eventually so you need to have a connection. 

~The guy who treats his Mom or and sisters like crap. That will eventually be you. 

~The guy who leaves you hanging. Busy is never an excuse. When men want to spend time with you, nothing will get in the way. 

So those are just some of the red flags I saw and ignored through the years. If I knew that those weren't normal, I would of saved myself so much grief over men. But you live and you learn. Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing dates as well as relationships throughout the years, but I wanted to make a "Don't" list. The biggest "Do" I learned within my current relationship is this; Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort box. For so many years I was shallow with a certain type. Latin men with dark features whom were this, that, and so on. Most were good dressers, were smooth talkers, and tried to empress me with their shallow promises. That's all great for a while, but eventually it fades. My love now wears stripes with camoflauge. He isn't Latin or a smooth talker. But he treats me like a Queen and it's easy to love him. It's fun and funny, and he would never ever laugh at me, only with me. That's the type of guy you want. 

My Inner Battle with Food...

Hello Loves! 

How are you all? Today is very personal blog post. One that I have been deathly afraid to write, let alone post. As you know last week was my 1st post in a long time. I talked about where I have been the last year, but I didn't go as deeply as I am ready to go today, but I want to because if can help just 1 person I am happy. Something I have been struggling with since I can remember is my "Binge Eating Disorder." Most people don't realize or even believe this is a true 

eating disorder because they don't understand it. Sometimes I had wished I had struggled with a more known one just for the sake of not getting that, "You just need willpower and discipline" disgusted look. This disorder is a very shameful one. Nobody wants to admit they've devoured a whole bag of chips in one sitting or 6 donuts at once. And yes I have done those things, or should I say have ate them..LOL! 

So when did this start? Does it really matter...I mean I can remember as early as about 9 years old hiding behind a living room table stuffing my face with a bowl of cereal. Do I know why I did that then? Of course not, but most likely the same reason I do it now; to sooth myself. The thing is I have an addictive personality and I always have had a very "All or Nothing" mindset. When food becomes that addiction, it is almost even harder than drugs or alcohol because you have to eat to live. With alcohol and drugs, you are able to live without them. Although at times it doesn't feel that way For some. I have gotten my eating in control at certain times within my life, but this past year has just not been one of those times. As it shows with my 45 pound weight gain. 

The biggest lesson that I have learned over the past month from reading some amazing books on this, (Which I will provide at the end of this post) is that this disorder is all about keeping a secret. And since I opened up to my boyfriend as well as a couple girlfriends recently, I have felt more free. It's so exhausting living this way. Quietly unwrapping food wrappers at 2am so you don't wake your partner, buying replacement food of the ones you've stolen from your roomate, and then waking up with that terrible food hangover the next morning. My hangovers have gotten even worse because I'll eat gluten which doesn't agree with me already. But when you're in that binge mode, none of those rules apply. All you need to do is quiet that inner dialogue, the "Binge Monster" if you will. 

But at the end of the day, each binge has felt like a one night stand. Feeling good in that moment, temporarily fulfilling that deep emptiness that lingers inside, and yet waking up feeling even more alone and lost then before. Ever feel that way after a binge? The truth is this; whether it is BED (Binge Eating Disorder), Bulima, Anorexia, or even just being straight up obsessive about dieting, it all stems from the same thing. What you ask, well it all comes down to fufilling our need to feel loved, not just by others but ourselves. The food addiction, or lack of in some disorders is just to gain control, to numb ourselves, to feel powerful, etc. Think about it, if an anorexic isn't eating, they are trying to prove to themselves that they're in control. So where in their life are they feeling that lack of control? In binging, we are trying to stuff down whatever feelings we are avoiding feeling, or maybe we are punishing ourselves with it afterbreaking our diet earlier that day. Yet why are we so afraid to feel? I'm referring to "we" because I am one of them. 

So whether you struggle with any of the disorders above, don't feel bad and don't feel alone, because you're not. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that being truthful is number 1. Just sharing this with you guys, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hope that somewhere in this post, you felt a little less alone. I wanted to share this, so that I can share the upcoming ups & downs of my recovery. And in turn, get to learn about yours. Thank you for taking the time to not only read this post, but for not judging me. I look forward to opening up this truthful conversation between us women. 

  

Books that have helped me in the past, as well as recently with my BED. 

"The Love-Powered Diet," by one of my FAVORITE Authors-Victoria Moran

"food: the good girl's drug," by Sunny Sea Gold 

TRUE LOVE...The Lessons

       Hi Loves! Hope you're all having a great week! So I'm sure most of you have seen or may have heard that Jennifer Lopez recently released a book called, "True Love." My cousin asked me if I wanted to read it than face time about it afterwards kind of like a mini book club. I've always loved Jennifer Lopez so I immediately went out and purchased the book. I read it within two days. It was a light easy read broken up with beautiful photos of her life, as well as inspiring quotes. Her main message in the book was that in order to have a healthy genuine love with someone, you first have to love yourself. She repeated this a lot which at first to me seemed a bit repetitive but than I realized this; loving yourself and staying positive is like building a muscle and it has to be worked on daily in order to maintain it. Here are some pieces of the book that really stuck a personal cord for me that hopefully you can relate to as well.

"In the end, the truth finds a way to surface, even if you don't want it to" ~
When I think about all my past relationships, this quote couldn't be truer. We've all been there! Where you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because all the red flags of that relationship are coming to a head. You can't deny it, whether you're being treated bad or you just don't feel it~you know it. One of my year long relationships when I was about 26, I was with the sweetest most caring guy, but I just didn't love him as much as he loved me, which was odd because all my life I always felt it was the other way around. But this time I knew it wasn't right, after planning on breaking up with him one night I drank lots of wine at dinner and the more buzzed I was the crazier my idea of dumping him was so I stayed over as I usually did. Yet when I woke up in the morning my buzz was gone, and I couldn't pretend anymore. And there it was; that pit in my stomach again. I knew what I had to do. 

"The only way you can be mistreated is by allowing yourself to be mistreated"~
This is such a simple concept, but there are so many women that still have a hard time following it. The one relationship that stands out to me in this was one of my exes who was right before the previous one I had just spoken about who treated me amazing. Well this relationship at 24 could not have been anymore the opposite. At first, he was charming and swept me off my feet but that didn't last long. He was completely verbally abusive, yet it wasn't in the yelling at me or cursing at me way; it was more so in the subtle sneaky way. He'd try to make me look stupid in front of others, such as waiters or other pretty females in my presence and things like that. Slowly but surely all of his snide remarks started to chip at my self-esteem. I finally walked away for good and it took a while to recover afterwards, the side effects of dating a narcissist definitely took it's toll. I finally had to realize it would only continue if I allowed it too.

"Sometimes you have to explore the darkness to get to the light and get back to who you are" ~
Oh heartache, I'd like to tell you that it gets easier but usually it doesn't. Especially if you love with all your heart and are all or nothing like I am, and as I read JLo is too. I think what does get better as you go through each breakup, you do realize that you will get through it because you've gotten through them before. Last summer when my boyfriend broke up with me, I was devastated. I was 30 years old and had placed so much hope that he could be the one. But I got through it, and the way I did that was to just feel the pain, accept it, and so that that way I was then able to move on. 

"When you give your time, your love, your respect, you deserve respect in return. You deserve comfort, you deserve honesty, and you deserve to feel safe" ~
This is it, this is the key, the answer to the road to "True Love." In a solid relationship, there should be a comfort in being able to fully be yourself and most importantly to feel safe. I don't mean safe in the way where your love will beat up someone for you either. I'm talking about the safety of knowing that you are in a healthy and secure relationship where you aren't afraid of letting them see every piece of you because you know they'll accept your flaws and all. If you have to question any of the above then it's time to let go. And I promise you that you'll find it in someone if you aren't getting it in your current situation. Last August, barely two months after my breakup I reconnected with my childhood guy best friend. We never had dated growing up but I always felt a safeness and comfort with him. Now were madly in love and it is truly the easiest and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I'll be 32 in a few weeks and I finally feel like I've gotten it right. 
    So there are some of the inspiring quotes from JLo's new book! It got me thinking about my love life and how far I've come. But I couldn't have gotten there without going through the other relationships I was in before. As well as finding that inner love for myself as well; cause we all deserve TRUE LOVE!

Live your life despite....

      Hi Loves & Happy Tuesday! I hope you all had a great weekend and are so far having a good week! So the last time we spoke I had just started my gluten free journey. I did a lot much more research over the course of the week, and each article confirmed even more than the last how important it is to be gluten free when you have Hashimoto's Disease. It hasn't been hard because I did it for about 5 months last year and so I know what to expect. During this time in my life, I'm just really trying to embrace and soak up Hawaii as well as the luxury of having free time. Even though I am trying to get healthy again and lose this darn weight, I'm making an effort to still live my life despite being heavier. 
       I always lived in the "When I get there" mentality, meaning landing that perfect boyfriend, perfect job, or that perfect weight then I'll allow myself to really live and be happy. Not no more, because in doing that for so many years I realized I wasted so many opportunities for great memories. When I was at a  heavier weight, years back, for example I wouldn't do as many fun things or put off buying cute clothes because of my bigger size. But here I am at 31, being the heaviest I've been in a long time but it is what it is! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest because of a bigger jeans size. I will live my life despite what my inner critic aka: the ego says to me. i 'm working hard to get back to good health, and that doesn't mean becoming a hermit because of it.
      This weekend was so carefree and I just enjoyed every second of it. I think it really is all about balance. So for example, Saturday we went to North Shore and I had a coconut water, gluten free pizza, salad, a glass of wine, and ended the night with some light fish. Sunday we went to the beach, I brought my almonds and an apple to snack on....and even gasp; bought a new bikini! The old me would tell myself I didn't deserve to buy one until I lost more weight, but I now vow to live my life despite what the scale says, or whatever issue I led myself to believe was bigger than it really was. And you should do the same! Do what makes you happy, despite what someone says about you, despite your insecurities, and despite your inner voice critic! Because honestly at the end of the day, life will pass you by. And were here to live a life beyond our wildest dreams, despite the occasional nightmares. We are here to LOVE OURSELVES!

Know when to Surrender.....

      Hi Loves! Can you believe it's almost Friday already? This week flew by! I hope you're all having a great week! So Monday when I blogged I was talking a lot about body love and trying to just go easier on myself with my thyroid and weight gain. I started at a hot yoga studio that day which offers bikram, along with other classes. I personally love bikram since its repetitive, ( I don't like change) and it's really easy on my wrists. Anyways it felt amazing to be back in a studio, and surrounded by like minded people.
        So even though I'm trying not to obsess over my weight, I still am trying to be aware and mindful, so I weighed yesterday since it had been a week but was up two pounds! I couldn't believe it, because even though I had splurged Saturday I had gotten right back on track! Not only was my weight not moving the right way, but also I have been feeling super bloated and swollen. So this morning I woke up on a mission, and I started researching more and more over the right way to eat when you have hypothyroid aka: Hashimoto's Disease. I actually found way more helpful information on Pinterest, than google.
        What I found was a lot. I guess in a way I knew certain foods that weren't good for patients with autoimmune diseases, but what I didn't realize was that these foods truly can work against our bodies. Despite wanting to lose the weight I've gained, I mostly want my body to have a chance to just be at its healthiest. And how can I expect that if I'm living in denial? Foods that are on the no no list are things such as gluten, soy, sugar, certain veggies and fruits that are high-gylcemic; the list goes on! I've given up gluten before, so that won't be as hard, but as far as the other stuff I'll have to take it one day at a time. 
        Today I weighed again hoping yesterday's weight gain was a fluke, but it wasn't. In fact I was up even more! But I didn't get upset truthfully, I took a deep breath, had some hot lemon water and researched about my new life changes. I was really sore from all the yoga this week, but went anyways because it's like a gift I'm giving to myself. And during class I was in a pose when the teacher said something that really struck a cord. She said, "Know the difference between when to give effort and when to just surrender." I thought that was so profound because it hit me that sometimes in life when you've put in so much effort into something, and yet nothings changing, than it is probably time to just surrender. Surrender to what will be, instead of what you want it to be. And I'm not just talking about weight here, that applies to really anything in life. So within this big health change, I'm choosing to surrender to what my body needs to be healthy. And not so much as what I think it needs. I guess in life, you just gotta know when to let go, give it to your higher power, and know that what is meant to be will be. Just know that sometimes what is meant to be isn't always what was in the plan, it may seem like a more complicated path, but sometimes the more complicated the better the end result. So just surrender and listen to your intuition.

Everybody's got something to give...

      Hello Loves, how have you all been? It has been nearly two weeks since I've blogged and for those of you who follow me on instagram may saw I stepped on and cracked the screen to my laptop! Note to self; don't put your laptop on the ground. Anyways for now I'm using my lil ipad, not as easy but I couldn't go another week without blogging. Which brings me to the title of today's post, "Everybody's got something to give." And I fully believe that we do.
      You see, as children we're conditioned to go to school, pick our major, and get the career that applies to that major. But what if you have something else to give? What if that something isn't in your college catalog?  Do you just sweep it to the side and forget about it, because it's outcome isn't as promising as the career you went to school for is? Well banish that thought, because here's the thing; we all have a certain talent or talents within us that are meant to be shared. This isn't to say that going to school for a career is the wrong way, because let's say you love to help people so you go to school to become a nurse. Good for you, do it fully with passion! I'm talking about those little hidden dreams that you tucked away because you were told they had no promise.
      Well don't buy into those dream crushing thoughts, because no matter what anyone has told you about your dreams, it isn't their duty to tell you they aren't tangible. It's your job to figure out what your talent is and use it as best you can! The world is waiting to feel inspired by you. I promise we all have something magical to give....think of it as you sharing your gold with the world. Even if you decide not to pursue it as a career, don't abandon it because it doesn't benefit your bank account, use it to benefit your soul!