Getting unstuck...

Hey Loves! Happy October! Can't believe we're already halfway through the month. And only two and a half months away from 2016! WOW! Now as you know the New Years is a huge time to set goals, start fresh, and just live the best you can. I gotta say over the past year since I moved to Hawaii I have been living in a prison. Within my own mind...have you ever felt that way? I've limited myself to the point of being handicap socially, professionally, and so on. I did not like Hawaii and that was that. I wasn't with my friends any longer, I wasn't with family, and overall wasn't settled.

 Since I have known that my bf has commited to a certain amount of years here I have been counting the days down...literally. Just trying to get from one day to the next. It's kinda like when you hate your job and you start counting the hours down the minute you clock in. That's how I have been living life. Not a positive way to think or live. But since I have gotten pregnant there has been a lot to think about. It isn't just about me and my boyfriend anymore. It's about the life inside of me now. And I want to be the best role model I can. 

I've always been a procrastinator and would always put things off until the last minute. Or I would just completely miss my chance and the moment would pass me by. Well I don't want to live that way anymore. They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Well since moving to Hawaii I have wanted to resort to that comfort zone. Go back to the life I always knew. But would that even really make me as happy as I think it would? 

It's all in perspective and mine has been so negative since moving to Hawaii. I would say "I have no friends, no family, I hate Hawaii. I hate it so much!" But is it Hawaii's fault I've been so stuck? Hell no. It's mine! Playing the victim role and alloying the ego to rule my happiness. After we left our Doctor's Apt yesterday we had just found out about having a boy. We went to Honolulu to celebrate and eat. Walking around there always makes me so happy. It's always sunny, there are a lot of people and great energy. I already felt uplifted! 

Knowing my boyfriend's job has much more opportunity here in Hawaii maybe it was time to stop hating it here and start loving it. We decided the number one reason we have been unhappy is where we have been living. It rains everyday and there isn't much going on in our town. So we started driving around the island and he was showing me potential places to live. I started feeling something I haven't felt in a long time...excitement and hope. It was so sunny and as dumb as it sounds I hadn't seen that in a while. I'm definitely a person who is affected by the weather. Maybe this was a place I could settle into. I have been meeting more girlfriends and stuff so maybe it could. Get back to me. There will be a lot of changes to come in the next few months before the baby comes, but it's all exciting stuff. 

Have you been stuck like me? Where nothing excites you like it used too? Your job sucks, you're bored, and feel your life is mundane? I totally get it and I want you to know it can and will get better. It's all up to us. And I don't know about you..but I'm really to start living and stop drifting through life. 2016 is coming but there's no reason we can't start to renew our lives now and get unstuck. Let's do it together! 

Oh Baby....

Hey Loves...How are you all? So I've been thinking....I would love to hear more about you guys & what you would like me to write about on this blog. This is a two way conversation so let me know any posts or ideas you would want to read about. To be honest...I have been sort of on a writer's block since my last post. As some of you may have seen on my social media I just announced a few weeks ago I'm expecting my first baby. It's so crazy how things can change within a few years, seeing that I had written about ever even having kids...and here I am; knocked up! Lol 

It started in June. I went to my yearly "girl apt" and I remember telling my Dr. I had had done the deed without protection...but wasn't worried because I always thought I'd be one of those women who take forever to get pregnant. We even did a test but it showed up negative. Little did I know I was already but it was too early for my test to detect. A few weeks went by...and it was the middle of July. I was trying to workout and was having the hardest time jumping because my breast pain was so extreme. "Well guess I'm gna start my cycle," I thought. A week went by and still no cycle, but my breast tenderness was out of control. 

Fast forward to taking the test. I took the first one. "YES," with a plus sign. I walked out jaw dropped. No way. Took the second one. Same answer. I couldn't believe it. My love was ecstatic. And so was I now. Things I believed before diminished within a second. My eating/diet obsessions went right out the window. Because it wasn't about me anymore. My selfishness quickly faded in that moment.  

So here I am 15 weeks pregnant and it still doesn't feel real. I don't have a full belly yet, but I def. feel different in a lot of ways....here are just some. 

1) I cry...a lot. Happy, Sad, and "I have no idea tears" are a constant. It's actually funny because they're mostly over something not even that touching, like a cheesy commercial. 

2) I'm itchy! Coco butter helps but not always. 

3) Freedom from dieting. Yes everyone says eat healthy, which I do a lot but I also let myself enjoy & not feel guilty like I did for nearly 17 years if my life. It feels...well great. 

4) I don't have control over my body, the swelling, the exhaustion, and things like that. I have to just go with the flow. Which has been really hard, although with having an autoimmune disease I do know that feeling of not having control always. But I have never been a fan..lol! 

5) It has brought me closer to my boyfriend. I didn't think I could love him more, but now it's a whole new level. 

And last but not least...you'll have to buy new bras every other week. Lol! At least I do. But all in all....it's kinda cool knowing your little one is nesting up in your belly. Last week I had a meltdown to my Dr. over not feeling attractive anymore or in control. Yet hearing my babies heartbeat a few minutes later made it all go away. Because you're building a life, and that baby is already depending on you to eat well, sleep good, be positive, and well take care of her. It's humbling in a lot of ways and I wouldn't trade it for the world. And if you haven't already experienced it, I hope you do.