When I get there...or wait I think I am already.

Me..Doing what I love..having Starbucks with Girl Chat!

A well deserved morning cup of Joe after Hot Yoga....

Me & My Girlfriend Jackie....at our weekly yoga date....

Truly one of the Sweetest Inspiring Cards I've ever received.

Hello Loves! Happy Wednesday! How are you all? I have been really busy & was not able to blog Sunday, but I will be blogging again this Sunday as well as writing about my 2nd "Inspirational Woman" of the week. I again want to take this time to thank my readers who send me the sweetest messages! Just that you all take time out of your day to read means a lot. Truly...& putting up with my awful Grammer..LOL. I am working on it! Anyways..summer is coming to an end, & I am a little sad. I really have been doing fun things on my Wednesdays off such as coffee & yoga dates with friends, laying out, painting, & basically just having "free"days. I'll also miss sleeping in or not stressing over deadlines. But it will feel nice to get back into the swing of things & back on a routine though. I'm doing pretty good on my 30 class/30 day yoga challenge too. I did my 14th & 15th yoga class tonight. I had missed a day last week due to work so I had to make it up somehow. So 15 classes only to go..LOL.
   
        So what have these nonstop weeks of yoga brought besides sore muscles & a tighter bum? Peace. Serenity. Acceptance. Happiness. I feel like there has lately been a lot of positive things & people drawn to me..probably because I am exuding that positive energy outward so it is coming back to me. At my work with my clients, with my friends, with myself. I feel just as they say...a sense of "ZEN?" LOL...corny to some maybe, but I could not love the feeling more. Also it is a daily work in progress for me not to obsess over my body & myself everyday but I am trying. I skipped the scale this week because I did not want to get off my yoga high if I saw a number that did not reflect my hard work. Yet shouldn't the number not be the only indicator of my hard work? I mean I did just type out how much "happier" I feel by doing it? It got me to thinking, "Will I ever get there?"
   
       Speaking of that question...I wonder, how many of us women ask ourselves that question? "When will I get there?" "There" meaning..the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect man, & well the perfect life. Tonight in yoga the instructor told us to not to judge ourselves, & that it was.."Yoga Practice, not Yoga Perfect." I thought that was so well put. Yesterday I got the most touching & beautiful letter from a client of mine named Bailey whom I've helped lose weight. She read through my blogs & wrote the sweetest compliments in my card thanking me for helping her. She's a beautiful girl whom I met a while back, & when I first met her was discouraged in her progress with her weight loss. I looked at her seeing the disappointment & sadness over her recent results & I saw my younger self in her. I was once that teenager sitting in her place. All I wanted was to lose weight, buy a smaller wardrobe, but most of all feel more "confident." Now 12 years later here I am still wondering, "Am I there yet?" I always promised myself when I got to that "perfect weight" I would buy that perfect wardrobe, land that perfect job, & eventually have & deserve that "perfect life." So here I am skipping a weigh in because I'm afraid of what that inner voice will say to me if it does not approve? So am I the expert to give Bailey or any of my clients advice for that matter?
   
       Then I realized that the answer is yes. I am worthy because I deserve to be. I can give advice because I am 100% truthful in what I say to them, & that is I struggle too. But if we listen to that inner voice that likes to doubt us, put us down, & convince us that we don't deserve to live until we "get there," (there meaning that perfect size), well then we will just watch life pass us by. So just a few years ago I started allowing myself to shop & enjoy it. Sure it would be nice to be at that perfect weight, but I actually was "there" a little over a year ago at that perfect weight & I remember thinking, "So why am I not perfectly happy yet?" Because that number is not magic, it is a shallow indicator of our inner happiness. When I have a bad joint day or even look down at my cane I walk with every day, do you think I tell myself.."Well if I was only 130Ibs this would all vanish." No..because it won't. My disease has nothing to do with my weight, nor does my weight have to do with the medicine I take for it. Therefore my weight will never cure my disease or my search for happiness when I get there.

       So what am I waiting for? In the letter Bailey told me I inspired her to be happy with herself no matter what. She also has lost weight now, but I know she did not mean just that. And that is all I had hoped for the minute I met her. Because as in me, I saw a girl who had so much to offer, was beautiful inside & out & whom I did not want to see beat herself up over weight, & in the end lose years of obsessing over it like I have. Like I said, I still struggle with it, but then I try to keep in perspective what keeps me happy. Yoga. My family. My cat. My writing. My girlfriends. My painting. Being healthy. My morning coffee. But most of all knowing that I may have helped one more woman see their beauty, & it didn't have anything to do with a scale. So my Beautiful readers, just like me & Bailey...your already there. No matter what the scale says. Namaste.

What fills your Soul with Happiness?

Me being silly by the pool with girlfriends....

My "Paris Girl" for my Art Show...unfinished.

Me...at the yoga studio..in my happy place.

Me... Just Glowing.

      Hello Loves! Happy Friday!!! I am sure most of you are out..as I am home in my yoga clothes blogging. Next Stop...shower! LOL! When I was a little girl after my Nana would bath me she'd dry me, & say to me.."Okay fresh as a daisy now!" So sweet. So today was a great day & a not so great day at work, but after yoga tonight my grumpy mood subsided...Well before I get into my day I want to say I am doing great in my 30 day yoga challenge..for the 30 classes in August! I did 12 days in a row, (started in July) but for August I have done 9 classes out of the 10 days because my work schedule usually doesn't allow me to do it Thursdays. So I'll have to double up! Anyways how do I feel? AMAZING! STRONG! HAPPY! CONFIDENT! GLOWING! Wow...yoga is like a gift that you can give to yourself. I cannot explain it. I've lost 3 pounds, & I already feel like I'm losing inches. But I am not just doing it for the weight, it's for my mind & soul as well. I am truly in love...who needs a man? Yoga is my boyfriend!
       Anyways so last week I had a lot of clients who came in frustrated with their weight being stuck & their lack of motivation. So because of my excitement over my yoga challenge & goal to lose that weight I gained this year by my 30th birthday in December, I was able to bring that excitement to all of them! I even made a "list" of all my clients who committed to the goals we set so I could follow up with them this week. I put stickers on their food journals, asked them to bring them back, sent cards, & even had one client make a "Happy List," of things she loves to do that she has put on hold due to her family's needs. I let all these amazing women know if they aren't taking care of themselves first, how can they expect to take good care of their loved ones. I asked them, "What fills your soul up besides food?" I got different answers..scrap booking, coffee with a friend, feeling confident, a bubble bath, writing...So then I asked, "How can we make time in your week to do one or two of those things for yourself?" I have always done these extra things at work with the cards & stickers but I think the clients got more motivated because they could feel my own exciting energy! The results were amazing today..they brought back their journals, two of them lost 5 pounds, one broke a plateau she had been stuck at for months, & the best was when one client said this week she gained a bit more "confidence." YAY!!! It filled my soul to help fill theirs!
       So what fills your soul? What things, places, or hobbies make you happy? Make a list, & commit to doing one a week even! Why not?! I booked my first Solo Art Show at my friend's Yoga Studio for October, & I am beyond excited! It is good for me to have a deadline because I tend to procrastinate! So Wednesday I painted just for about 2 hours, but it was something! I am working on a set of 6 paintings called, "Women of the World." Each one is a woman from a different part of the world. I did my NYC girl, & now I am working on Paris! Painting definitely fills my soul. As does my writing, yoga, hanging out with my girlfriends..even if it's laying out at the pool talking or sipping on lattes together. I went to "Pic N Save" (Big Lots) today after work before yoga. Yes I still call it "Pic n Save." LOL! Anyways I used to go there with my Mom & Nana when I was a little girl. We would always buy little cute things there. So even though I did not spend a lot, I farted around, got some snacks, candles, & just enjoyed finding little bargains. That filled my soul & it's always so nostalgic when I go there because I think of my Nana. I also want to go thrift store shopping this week. I have not been forever & I just wanna go & see what I find..hey you never know! It's the little things that can make me smile.
      So today was a harder day though because as much as I love the people in my life, for some reason today everyone kept asking me about my cane & my health, & telling me, "I hope you feel better." Which in a way left me confused because I have been feeling great! I know they care so much & I feel so blessed to have them care but sometimes I want the cane to be invisible. It gets emotionally draining seeing strangers reactions or having the same question asked over & over. Again I am grateful people care, but it gets tiring sometimes. So by the time I left work, I needed "me" time..which meant, "quite no talking time about me or my stupid cane." So after work, I shopped, went to yoga, & now I am at home relaxing & I could not be more happy being silent. I really feel I am handling this relapse so good compared to the other two because I am not surrendering to the cane, I am fighting it by going to yoga & keeping a healthy mindset. I am focusing on my dreams & goals..such as getting ready for the art show, doing the yoga challenge, & writing. I am also making a "30 Things to do before I turn 30," List which I will be posting soon because I'm only on #18 & my birthday's coming up! One is to have a solo art show so Yay! And last but not least I am surrounding myself with beautiful friends that are positive, genuine, & good for my spirit. I have reconnected with old ones, started hanging out with new ones, & pushed aside the ones who do not make an effort or bring me down. Life is too short to waste time. So my soul is filling up..with my dreams, good friends, family, God, yoga, & an inner peace I've never felt as strongly as I do now. So what are you all waiting for? Go write that "Happy List," so your soul can feel as filled as mine has been.

Yoga, Inspiration, & Dayana....

My Friend Beautiful Dayana doing what she loves....

Me & Dayana at our Favorite Little Cafe...

True Beauty inside & out.....

At My Art Show with the piece I painted after her poem....

     Hello Loves!!! Happy Saturday! I am writing tonight because tomorrow will be too hectic..in a good way though. I'm working, then yoga, & then having some girlfriends over for some yummy wine & food. So how was everyone's week? I have been thinking about different ideas for my blog, & I had an idea that once a week I'd like to write about 1 woman in my life who is an Inspiration to me somehow. I really want this blog to be about celebrating each other, inspiring each other, & just basically hoping any tips or thoughts you may get from here can help you all grow as a person. Of course I am no expert, but I write what I know & what I know is I am always a work in progress, yet I am learning from writing this blog I am growing & connecting to others more. It is filling my heart with such love & building my confidence. So THANK YOU again to all who has been reading, supporting me, & just be authentically happy for me! I appreciate ya & love ya!
     Anyways so here's my first "Inspirational Woman" for this week! Wow...Dayana...what can I say other than she is an ANGEL. Truly. I met Dayana in junior high when we were around 12 or 13. We always had a great time together, & I always thought she was the sweetest. We shared the same love for writing, & so we would go to coffee & share our poetry. I had written poems since I was 12, & up until a year ago when one of my poems got published, I had only shared my poetry with her. It was so personal, but with her I felt safe to share. There was never any judgement in her spirit, & still isn't. After high school graduation we sort of lost touch. I'd always see her at the little beauty store she worked at, & we'd say "Let's do coffee!" Finally about two years ago, after talking about it so much, we did it. Dayana had just ended a long term relationship with her ex, & that is truly when our friendship took off.
     But not only did our friendship take off after that, but she blossomed in so many ways. She became braver, stronger, happier, & well basically just grew more into herself. She had tried a hot yoga class in our town, & I had been wanting to try it as well for so long. She convinced me to go, & there we were the newbies to the class giggling nervously not knowing where yoga would take us. Yoga, Coffee Dates, Poetry sessions, & many memories later I can say she is truly one of my best friends. She is the most positive person I know, always sees the good in even the worst situations, & keeps me from being too pessimistic at times. She always gives me uplifting advice, & shows me my rainbow even in the worst of storms. She is one of the most amazing writers I know, & her poetry brings you to tears at times. She went for her dream this year & completed her masters degree in english. At one of my recent Art Shows, the theme was called, "A Novel Night," & the theme was to do a painting after your favorite writer. I immediately thought of Dayana, & her poem called, "Cafe Rialto." Which was named after our favorite little cafe we always have oatmeal & coffee after yoga every week. It was about the possibility of love at that cafe. So I painted it, & then handed it to her to keep since she was the inspiration.
     She has also not only become a full time yogi, & has transformed her body beautifully, but she nows manages one of the studios I attend. This fall she is going into teacher training to become a yoga instructor. It truly is so perfect for her because when your around her, she brings you a sense of calmness & serenity. She has showed me to love & embrace yoga & even suggested I attend teacher training someday to become an instructor....me? I have always secretly dreamed of that as a side thing, but I always felt too scattered, too hyper, too..everything. And with my autoimmune disease I can never predict how my body will feel day to day. But Dayana just sent me a kind message after saying, "I have this feeling that you should." Her words, her kindness, & her belief in me is so moving.
      I was brave enough to get back to my hot yoga a few weeks ago, & I have now done it 8 days in a row. I truly believe it is benefiting my body, strengthening my legs, easing my stress, & hopefully helping me on the road to remission. I feel so happy doing it, I feel stronger, & healthier in general. Remember that blog recently about not obsessing over my diet? Well I haven't been the last week while practicing my yoga, & I lost almost 3 pounds. So by taking care of my mental, it transcended into my physical. So I have decided for the month of August to do my own 30 Day Yoga Challenge. The goal is to do 30 classes in 30 days..or 31 since August is a bit longer...yay! I feel excited & I know Dayana will be cheering me all the way. So who's the inspiring woman in your life today? Have you told them, if not tell them. Sometimes us women are so hard on ourselves that we don't even see that to the outside world we may inspiring someone right now, by well just being us. So let's celebrate each other girls, & if you have a Dayana in your life..let her know how amazing she is. I know I've told mine.
     Here's Dayana's Amazing Blog if you get a chance friends, please check it out!
     Dayanavazquez,blogspot.com

Can't take that away....

"If you have peace within yourself, nobody can touch you, no matter  what happens."-Mariah Carey

Hi Loves, How is everyone doing? I hope good! I have had a lot of blog ideas lately, & sometimes I do what I had planned but then once I get in front of my laptop I just do what comes to mind, & what I am feeling strongly about at the moment in hopes that somehow someone reading it will too relate & or feel inspired as well. You know the whole reason I started this blog was really not for myself because I have kept a journal since I was 12 years old, so that's something I do already for me. It clears my head, releases my worries, & heals my soul. My journal has been the one place where I can share my most inner thoughts, & will have no judgement or criticism thrown my way. I think of it as writing letters to God, & it truly is a spiritual way of praying for me without leaving my house. I started this blog to share pieces of myself hoping the person on the other side of the screen reading it may feel inspired or not so alone in someway. I am not perfect, am a work in progress, & yet I try to see that as the beauty in this blog because we all go through the same things & feelings sometimes.
      Ever since I was a little girl I always struggled with pleasing people. I wanted to be everyone's friend & would do almost anything to avoid disapproval from not only from my family & friends, but also from strangers. I needed them to like me, accept me, & be satisfied with me & my choices. Lately I am seeing that time after time I keep getting disappointed by people's reactions to some decisions & risks I have been taking. Risks meaning going for certain dreams I have kept deep inside me, risks meaning following passions that make me happy, & risks that bring me out of my comfort zone because of feeling afraid of well..feeling uncomfortable. Uncomfortable how? By feeling disapproved of, feeling judged, or feeling that people will think, "Who does she think she is," type reactions. Because if I stay the same old Janene who is so worried about what people think & who is afraid to show a glimmer of confidence, people may mistake me for conceited. So if I stay the same, then everything will stay safe in my world. And in a way, their world too.
     Some people, well a lot of people whom I have had in my life have always been genuinely happy for me & wanting the best for me. Yet as we get older, sometimes we sees cracks in the authenticity of some. And that is truly heartbreaking. Aren't the ones closest to you supposed to be your biggest cheerleaders? I am finally realizing that whether some support may seem real & some may seem fake, does it really matter? No. Not at all, because the things & opinions that truly only matter are the ones you hear from yourself & when you look in the mirror. We all have our inner voice, our "Subconscious," as Freud would say. It is our voice of reason, our biggest cheerleader, & yet sometimes can be our worst enemy. So it got me thinking, I am already so overly critical of myself let alone worrying about what others think..so why should I?
     I realized that in keeping this blog what I want it to be, which is hopefully inspiring & someway empowering, then it needs to be just that. This is me & who I truly am. So I will continue to be truthful, uncensored, raw, & well be myself whether that makes others uncomfortable or not. I realized I'm going to need to get tougher skin because not everybody is going to like what I say or do, & I need to learn to be okay with that. But here's the thing too, I will always be a little bit sensitive & that's okay, it is who I am. Yet I also need to try & "free myself of these obsessions of trying to please them all, not be a threat because I am going out of my comfort box, & basically not be afraid to just live for me." With the true ones, it won't matter anyways because I never really had to worry. They will celebrate me as I would for them. Because in life, there is room for everyone to be happy, to be successful, & to just believe in themselves. And at this point, I only have room & time in my life for the ones that do. So my sweet friends, go for it, love yourself, & most of all believe in yourself because if you don't then who will? As my Idol Mariah Carey sings in one of my favorite songs from her,"Can't take that away," she says...

Mariah Carey-My Hero since i was a little girl....

                     
They can say anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down, but I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,
Lord, they do try, hard to make me feel that I don't matter at all,
Don't matter at all, but I refuse to falter,
In what I believe, or lose faith in my dreams,
'Cause there's a light in me, that shines brightly,
THEY CAN TRY BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME...

Fifty Shades of.....

Me...El Natural...

The World's Current Obsession..for most women anyway.

Me feeling silly as my Mom does this mini photo shoot

Me & My Best Friend''s idea of a Perfect Summer Day....

Hello Loves! Happy Sunday..how is everyone's weekend? So I wanted to warn that this blog is going to be a little bit more for umm...adults. So here we go. I have truly been contemplating  writing about the new obsession on practically every woman's mind that I have spoken to..the erotic book, "Fifty Shades of Grey," by author E L James. It is a tantalizing love story between the ever so appealing sexy twenty-something rich entrepreneur Christian Grey & the ever so simple & a bit naive Anastasia Steele. This book takes us on a roller coaster of their love that is erotic, emotional, & serves as addictive like a drug to it's readers. It got me thinking though why is it so appealing to so many women..it couldn't just be the sex could it? Okay maybe it could..LOL. Here's the thing about us women, we are taught to not talk about sex, or if we enjoy it & talk about it freely, we are looked down upon unlike men. Let's face it women are sexual beings & there is nothing wrong with that. Sex is a beautiful thing, a pleasure like no other, & can make you learn to know & love your own body in many ways. As a single 29 year old, I realize that it is a different era than our mothers who married young & maybe never had more than one partner. But as a women of this day & age, most of us did not stay with the person we lost our virginity too..Thank God! LOL! We have had different partners, not all being from a monogamous relationship either. There is no shame in that & I know there is a double standard that if men sleep with different partners, they are "Pimps," yet if a women does, she is considered a "Slut." I could not disagree more, but what I will say is that our bodies are like temples & should only be shared with whom deserves it. If you play it safe & are with someone you are truly comfortable with to go to that next level, what's the shame in that? Yet I do feel one should be particular with whom they choose because not "just anybody" deserves such a personal part of us. And to be quite honest I feel that sex is always better when your in love with someone. When you have sex with someone you love, there is no other way to feel closer to each other than feeling as one. It is more than feeling wanted though, a partner should know your body inside & out, yet also make you feel beautiful & comfortable in your own skin. If we don't go through the heartaches, good lovers, bad lovers, & different relationships, then how will we get closer to knowing what we truly want in the end? I think also aside from the sex, this book is deeper than it gets credit for. In truth, witnessing Christian's strong love for Ana is something I think us women all long for. It isn't just about that he's amazing in bed, wealthy, a unselfish lover with movie star good looks, well those things don't hurt either..LOL. But it's the way he loves her so deeply by accepting her in every way, flaws & all. He fights for her, will do anything to make her happy, & is just truly raw in his vunerable state of love when he is in her presence. He is not perfect though with all his baggage, emotional that is. We watch as Ana tries to love him, figure him out, & in a way fix him with her love. He is as she says, her "Fifty shades of f**ked up." She sees that he is broken from his past & has not known pure unconditional love, so she hopes in a way she can break the spell. Can't we all relate? I had my fifty once. He swept me off my feet, would send me 100 roses a week, took me places I'd never been, & made me feel like the most loved & beautiful woman in the whole world. I had never been so in love with someone, & I haven't been in love since. I started to see the cracks in his emotional stability, & after a long off & on roller coaster I decided to get off the ride. I am not looking for someone like my fifty, but I will not settle for anything other than an amazing connection, physically, spiritually, & emotionally. In reality too, we've all been there. Falling in love with someone we thought we could fix, or save emotionally as Ana has tried to do over & over in "Fifty Shades." Christian is fifty shades of broken, yet aren't we all in some way? Or at least a piece of us? That's the beauty in love, it teaches you to show the other person the beauty that they cannot see in themselves. As Ana is doing just that as she shows Christian unconditional love, he does the same for her by letting her realize & see that she is worthy of his love. So what do we all get from this trio of erotic seductive novels..I'd say "Hope." Hope to find someone to love us that deeply, someone to teach us to love & accept our bodies, even if we consider them flawed in someway, someone to help us realize we are worthy of being loved that much, & well hopefully someone to give us mind blowing sex as well.

Just Be...Embrace don't obsess....

Self-Love...hearts to show I'm always a work in progress..

No makeup..just kisses & love to give...

Me being a Silly Girl....

Laughter is the best healer..

Hello Loves...Happy Friday! I am sure you are all excited for the weekend! I took today off because since yesterday I was very fatigued & in a lot of joint pain...I had a really bad flare up. I know exactly why..I overdid it on Wednesday. I tend to think that I am Superwoman & that I can do it all...but why can't I? Well mentally I feel sometimes I can, but physically not always. I have to baby my body a lot..because your body does speak to you..if you listen closely enough. Speaking of that, remember my whole drastic change I had mentioned about changing my diet-the whole no sugar, no dairy, no fake sugar...blah blah blah was good in theory but it was too much too soon. It overwhelmed me & then I rebelled...a lot. So I have started over but have been making smaller changes. I feel the more you deny yourself something the more you want it & then you sort of turn into a monster..or at least I do..LOL. So what was my body telling me this week..my mind..my spirit? A lot. Monday I bravely walked into the yoga studio after nearly a month since I relapsed, & even though my legs still give out when I walk & they are weak, I wanted to just try & see how they would do. I was welcomed back with a warm hug from one of the sweet instructors & she was so impressed with how well I did. My balance was off..but then is anything ever perfect? No. What I love about this particular instructor Janna is that she always shares an inspiring lesson by the end of class. She talked about this other instructor who would obsess & spend endless hours practicing to be the best & most perfect yoga teacher but could not get a certain pose right after she had been trying nonstop. Finally after going to a well known studio with a bunch of top yogis & being a small fish in a huge pond she realized all she could be was the "Best Version of Herself" instead of "The Perfect Version of Herself." And that when she finally stopped focusing on where she was going, she was able to just enjoy where she was, & having that pressure being lifted, her practice improved tremendously. I recently too had a client who was attending her High School Reunion & had been so down & disappointed because she had not lost all the weight she wanted by the day of it. But then a week after she came into my office glowing & giggling while reminiscing about how much fun she had at the reunion. I asked her, "So did your weight matter when you were dancing, laughing, & having a blast that night with your friends?" She shook her head, "Not at all." I smiled knowing a light bulb had went off. So it all flows together...when we really stop obsessing over things, they just come together. My Mom always tells me that when she sees me obsessing over losing weight. As much as I say I take the advice I give I don't always. So here's my challenge to you & myself..just LIVE. LAUGH. EAT. NAP. CRY. LOVE. ENJOY NOW. When we give ourselves permission to "just be" like my yoga teacher says, we are able to just be in the moment & isn't that all we really have anyway? I feel good when I do yoga, so when my joints allow it I do it. I took today off work & yoga because I did not feel well, & that is what my body needed. I wrote late last night in my journal because that what my mind craved. I sipped on coffee while reading a book in our cabana near our pool this morning because that's what my spirit wanted. I have been making it a habit even on days like today when all I wanna do is lay in bed on my pain pills to sit outside, get sun, & enjoy it. I am treating my inner self with love, care, & self respect. So what can you do for yourself today? For your body? Or your mind? Or your spirit?  Be kind to yourself, less critical, & well like Janna says...just be. Namaste.

A Modern Day Carrie Bradshaw...

Carrie Bradshaw, my "Carrie" necklace, & my "Love" keychain

Me living, laughing, & loving life as a single gal....

The Girls from "Sex & the City"

My Writing, My Love, Myself....

Hi Loves..Happy Sunday! How are you all today? I have so many blog ideas at the moment so I've decided to do 2 a week, one every Sunday & one every Wednesday! Anyways so a lot has been on my mind lately yet I don't want to sound like a broken record but then again things come up over & over that make me rethink about them. One is being a twenty-something year old single girl...if I hear one more person ask me why I am single I'm gonna scream..Lol. I have actually fallen in love recently... more in love with my writing. So that got me thinking about 2 things...Love & Writing. Or my Love for Writing. In one of my Favorite Shows, "Sex & The City," Carrie Bradshaw the main character is a writer for a sex column in New York City. She is in her thirties, single, & has 3 best friends whom she shares everything with. I discovered the show as a 19 year old & I enjoyed it, but I was a kid then so there was still things I did not "get" about it or could not relate to. Now as a single 29 year old with a few serious relationships, bad dates, heartbreaks, etc. under my belt, I LOVE it, I GET it, & most of all I RELATE to it. I started this blog only in April yet lately have been getting such amazing feedback from women liking it & asking for more. Some have even said I should write a book. Me? A real author of a book? I was fortunate enough to have one of my poems published a year ago, which felt amazing, but a book? What kind? A novel? A Memoir? What should I write about? "Write what you know," is what I've always believed but then again I am only 29 which may seem too young to write a memoir though sometimes I feel like I could pull it off. So any feedback on what you guys would think, please let me know. It got me thinking of Carrie Bradshaw & all the subjects that she speaks of that relate to women. The "Should I's" us women find ourselves thinking. Should I have a baby? Should I go back to college? Should I have dumped him? Should I marry him? Should I have had that 3rd cosmo? Should I feel guilty for saying "no?" Should I have slept with him so soon? Should I have kept quite & not stood up for myself? Should I let my dreams pass me by because I am afraid of failing? Should I feel I am not worthy enough because all the other girls have diamond rings on their fingers & mine is a diamond butterfly? There are so many questions, so many doubts, so many expectations we place on ourselves. As Carrie says in one episode, "As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just  keep going." So well said Carrie. There's pressure from our family, friends, ourselves of why we are not doing this or doing that...yet doesn't it come down to our own opinion that truly matters? Like Carrie Bradshaw, I have amazing best friends who hear about my little life, laugh with me, cry with me, tell me their opinion whether I like it or not, & most of accept me for all that I am. Like Carrie Bradshaw, I sometimes put buying a pair of heels & a latte over paying for more responsible things. Like Carrie Bradshaw, I go back to men who are not the best for me in the long run, but are oh so fun for the moment. Like Carrie Bradshaw, I doubt myself, my choices, my choice to maybe never have babies, my singleness & feeling maybe fulfilled by just that. I write what I know & what do I know right now? I am flawed. I am sensitive. I am dramatic. I am emotional. And I am brave. Finally at this age, I realize I am worthy of fulfilling my dreams & as much as society wants it to be a picket white fence with a husband & a baby, well I'm not so sure. I dream of getting my degrees, & after this semester I'll have degree one. I dream to move out on my own & become more of an independent woman. I dream to get back in remission & healthy again so I can run, do hot yoga, & walk in heels. I dream to follow my dreams...and my dream used to be an actress. My new dream came though out of just doing what I truly love..writing & hopefully inspiring other women like myself who may doubt themselves. My dream has many different arrays of things, & not one has to do the one that's expected. No diamonds needed...well maybe just the ones on my butterfly ring...