Eating Intuitively My Way...

      Hi Loves...I hope you are all enjoying your weekend. I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is in less than a week. This year is practically over, and two weeks from today I'll be a year older! YIKES! Just kidding I actually love being in my thirties and am ready for a new year. This year has had it's up's and as well has it had it's downs too. I am at my heaviest (gosh I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately and I have been, yet nothing is changing with my weight.) I stopped gluten for my autoimmune diseases, but even that wasn't helping because I was still able to overeat those yummy gluten free cookies...Lol! Just like a drug addict, us food addicts always find a way...or a donut. Lol!
        So for those of you who follow my Instagram @selfloveinalatte you may have seen that I had mentioned last week that I was doing "Intuitive Eating," which is actually a based on a book that I have yet to read but I just ordered it because I am really interested in it. It is basically about how to stop obsessing over calories and dieting so that way you can just listen to your inner intuition. To just eat when your hungry, and stop when your full. In theory, it sounded amazing and so freeing! And it was; for the first few days.
     Let me explain something; when you've been obsessed with counting calories, dieting, binging, and then restricting once again your whole life, it's hard not to go crazy. It is scary to trust your owm intuition of when you are truly hungry or just need a fix. But I love the concept, but I just think it is something that'll take time. By day 5 I had gained nearly two pounds of listening to my intuntion. Yet I knew that wasn't my true inner voice speaking, it was my emotional wounds taking over. And that's where I'm going to really learn how to trust myself around food. It won't happen overnight, but I know it's going to be worth it.
       After so many years of feeling consumed by my weight, and using food as an emotional bandaid, it can wear you down. If you struggle with binge eating or even emotional eating, you know what I'm talking about. So I still am eating intuitively now, but within reason. I'm food journaling again because I just feel better knowing what's going into my body. The other day I made a yummy detox water out of mint leaves , lemon, and cucumber that is super refreshing. I am also giving my body what it craves, like this morning I wanted pancakes. So I made chocolate protein pancakes with egg whites, almond milk, half a banana. And some chocolate protein powder. They were so good and filling. So I made another batch for lunch.. Because why not? I also went to the farmer's market today, got some beautiful produce and precut everything for the week. I already am starting to feel better, as well as calmer. The key is to stop overanalyzing everything and just start living life. Eating to live, not living to eat. I'm not saying I'm cured from my addiction of dieting and food obsession, but I'm on the path of true peace within my choices of food, body, and mind. I hope you all are too.

TRUE LOVE...The Lessons

       Hi Loves! Hope you're all having a great week! So I'm sure most of you have seen or may have heard that Jennifer Lopez recently released a book called, "True Love." My cousin asked me if I wanted to read it than face time about it afterwards kind of like a mini book club. I've always loved Jennifer Lopez so I immediately went out and purchased the book. I read it within two days. It was a light easy read broken up with beautiful photos of her life, as well as inspiring quotes. Her main message in the book was that in order to have a healthy genuine love with someone, you first have to love yourself. She repeated this a lot which at first to me seemed a bit repetitive but than I realized this; loving yourself and staying positive is like building a muscle and it has to be worked on daily in order to maintain it. Here are some pieces of the book that really stuck a personal cord for me that hopefully you can relate to as well.

"In the end, the truth finds a way to surface, even if you don't want it to" ~
When I think about all my past relationships, this quote couldn't be truer. We've all been there! Where you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because all the red flags of that relationship are coming to a head. You can't deny it, whether you're being treated bad or you just don't feel it~you know it. One of my year long relationships when I was about 26, I was with the sweetest most caring guy, but I just didn't love him as much as he loved me, which was odd because all my life I always felt it was the other way around. But this time I knew it wasn't right, after planning on breaking up with him one night I drank lots of wine at dinner and the more buzzed I was the crazier my idea of dumping him was so I stayed over as I usually did. Yet when I woke up in the morning my buzz was gone, and I couldn't pretend anymore. And there it was; that pit in my stomach again. I knew what I had to do. 

"The only way you can be mistreated is by allowing yourself to be mistreated"~
This is such a simple concept, but there are so many women that still have a hard time following it. The one relationship that stands out to me in this was one of my exes who was right before the previous one I had just spoken about who treated me amazing. Well this relationship at 24 could not have been anymore the opposite. At first, he was charming and swept me off my feet but that didn't last long. He was completely verbally abusive, yet it wasn't in the yelling at me or cursing at me way; it was more so in the subtle sneaky way. He'd try to make me look stupid in front of others, such as waiters or other pretty females in my presence and things like that. Slowly but surely all of his snide remarks started to chip at my self-esteem. I finally walked away for good and it took a while to recover afterwards, the side effects of dating a narcissist definitely took it's toll. I finally had to realize it would only continue if I allowed it too.

"Sometimes you have to explore the darkness to get to the light and get back to who you are" ~
Oh heartache, I'd like to tell you that it gets easier but usually it doesn't. Especially if you love with all your heart and are all or nothing like I am, and as I read JLo is too. I think what does get better as you go through each breakup, you do realize that you will get through it because you've gotten through them before. Last summer when my boyfriend broke up with me, I was devastated. I was 30 years old and had placed so much hope that he could be the one. But I got through it, and the way I did that was to just feel the pain, accept it, and so that that way I was then able to move on. 

"When you give your time, your love, your respect, you deserve respect in return. You deserve comfort, you deserve honesty, and you deserve to feel safe" ~
This is it, this is the key, the answer to the road to "True Love." In a solid relationship, there should be a comfort in being able to fully be yourself and most importantly to feel safe. I don't mean safe in the way where your love will beat up someone for you either. I'm talking about the safety of knowing that you are in a healthy and secure relationship where you aren't afraid of letting them see every piece of you because you know they'll accept your flaws and all. If you have to question any of the above then it's time to let go. And I promise you that you'll find it in someone if you aren't getting it in your current situation. Last August, barely two months after my breakup I reconnected with my childhood guy best friend. We never had dated growing up but I always felt a safeness and comfort with him. Now were madly in love and it is truly the easiest and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I'll be 32 in a few weeks and I finally feel like I've gotten it right. 
    So there are some of the inspiring quotes from JLo's new book! It got me thinking about my love life and how far I've come. But I couldn't have gotten there without going through the other relationships I was in before. As well as finding that inner love for myself as well; cause we all deserve TRUE LOVE!

Unconditional Love...

       Hi Loves! Happy Thursday... Hope you're all having a great day! So for those of you who follow my Instagram @selfloveinalatte or my Facebook page, you may have seen we got a new puppy we named Walter Herbert on Monday. He's an Olde English Bulldog and the cutest thing ever! I personally have always been a cat person, but being out here in Hawaii has gotten lonely at times so we figured it was the best thing. I'm on day 4 and luckily he's napping, oh wait he's up! LOL. It's like having a newborn I assume, haha. No I'm not a Mom and I know a puppy isn't half as hard, but it has reminded me of one important thing in life that sometimes we all take for granted; unconditional love. 
       In the past few days I've gotten close to no sleep, been spit up on, peed on, cleaned up poop, and attended to a crying puppy looking scared as he wakes up when I'm not near by. As exhausting as its been, it has been so fulfilling. And it reminded me of when you love something or someone so much, you just LOVE. Obviously a pet is easier than a person, but it all means the same thing at the end of the day. Pets love us no matter who we are, what we look like, and they don't care if we have put on weight, or whatever it be. They love us for our soul.  
     As I looked at my puppy in my boyfriend's arms, it filled my heart because his love is the most unconditional I've ever known. Just as my parents has been, finding a partner who loves you and all of you is the best gift you can give to yourself. Some people don't believe it it can happen to them, or they just have settled in a relationship where they aren't offered unconditional love, yet it doesn't have to be that way. Just like we can control our perspective, we also can control who we allow to love us. And we shouldn't sell ourselves short. Unconditional love can be different for everyone, but I think at the end of day you just want someone to love all of you. Your off days, your silly habits, your bad moods, and you basically just have a certain calmness when you're around that person. You can be yourself in a way you never even realized could be possible . I know at 31, I only accept this kind of love.
      It took me a while to get there though. You have to believe that you deserve it, and don't expect anything less. I have had past boyfriends tell me I was too much of this or too little of that, but now that I'm with my current love he accepts all of me, but also has helped me grow as a person. He helps me realize when I'm being unfair, and fix it. That's when you know someone brings out the best version of you. Not trying to change you, but helping you better yourself when you're ready. This also doesn't just apply to romantic relationships too, it applies to other relationships. If you feel you have to walk on eggshells around someone, and can't really be yourself then it may be time to say goodbye. Also try to approach your own relationships with an unconditional approach as well. Try to understand where that person is coming from instead of judging, but also set healthy boundaries. Because if you can't love them unconditionally, someone else will. Same with the fact of if someone else won't love you unconditional too, then move on because someone else will. We only live once and love is the most important thing in this world. Thanks to my puppy for reminding me how important it really is too.

Live your life despite....

      Hi Loves & Happy Tuesday! I hope you all had a great weekend and are so far having a good week! So the last time we spoke I had just started my gluten free journey. I did a lot much more research over the course of the week, and each article confirmed even more than the last how important it is to be gluten free when you have Hashimoto's Disease. It hasn't been hard because I did it for about 5 months last year and so I know what to expect. During this time in my life, I'm just really trying to embrace and soak up Hawaii as well as the luxury of having free time. Even though I am trying to get healthy again and lose this darn weight, I'm making an effort to still live my life despite being heavier. 
       I always lived in the "When I get there" mentality, meaning landing that perfect boyfriend, perfect job, or that perfect weight then I'll allow myself to really live and be happy. Not no more, because in doing that for so many years I realized I wasted so many opportunities for great memories. When I was at a  heavier weight, years back, for example I wouldn't do as many fun things or put off buying cute clothes because of my bigger size. But here I am at 31, being the heaviest I've been in a long time but it is what it is! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest because of a bigger jeans size. I will live my life despite what my inner critic aka: the ego says to me. i 'm working hard to get back to good health, and that doesn't mean becoming a hermit because of it.
      This weekend was so carefree and I just enjoyed every second of it. I think it really is all about balance. So for example, Saturday we went to North Shore and I had a coconut water, gluten free pizza, salad, a glass of wine, and ended the night with some light fish. Sunday we went to the beach, I brought my almonds and an apple to snack on....and even gasp; bought a new bikini! The old me would tell myself I didn't deserve to buy one until I lost more weight, but I now vow to live my life despite what the scale says, or whatever issue I led myself to believe was bigger than it really was. And you should do the same! Do what makes you happy, despite what someone says about you, despite your insecurities, and despite your inner voice critic! Because honestly at the end of the day, life will pass you by. And were here to live a life beyond our wildest dreams, despite the occasional nightmares. We are here to LOVE OURSELVES!

Know when to Surrender.....

      Hi Loves! Can you believe it's almost Friday already? This week flew by! I hope you're all having a great week! So Monday when I blogged I was talking a lot about body love and trying to just go easier on myself with my thyroid and weight gain. I started at a hot yoga studio that day which offers bikram, along with other classes. I personally love bikram since its repetitive, ( I don't like change) and it's really easy on my wrists. Anyways it felt amazing to be back in a studio, and surrounded by like minded people.
        So even though I'm trying not to obsess over my weight, I still am trying to be aware and mindful, so I weighed yesterday since it had been a week but was up two pounds! I couldn't believe it, because even though I had splurged Saturday I had gotten right back on track! Not only was my weight not moving the right way, but also I have been feeling super bloated and swollen. So this morning I woke up on a mission, and I started researching more and more over the right way to eat when you have hypothyroid aka: Hashimoto's Disease. I actually found way more helpful information on Pinterest, than google.
        What I found was a lot. I guess in a way I knew certain foods that weren't good for patients with autoimmune diseases, but what I didn't realize was that these foods truly can work against our bodies. Despite wanting to lose the weight I've gained, I mostly want my body to have a chance to just be at its healthiest. And how can I expect that if I'm living in denial? Foods that are on the no no list are things such as gluten, soy, sugar, certain veggies and fruits that are high-gylcemic; the list goes on! I've given up gluten before, so that won't be as hard, but as far as the other stuff I'll have to take it one day at a time. 
        Today I weighed again hoping yesterday's weight gain was a fluke, but it wasn't. In fact I was up even more! But I didn't get upset truthfully, I took a deep breath, had some hot lemon water and researched about my new life changes. I was really sore from all the yoga this week, but went anyways because it's like a gift I'm giving to myself. And during class I was in a pose when the teacher said something that really struck a cord. She said, "Know the difference between when to give effort and when to just surrender." I thought that was so profound because it hit me that sometimes in life when you've put in so much effort into something, and yet nothings changing, than it is probably time to just surrender. Surrender to what will be, instead of what you want it to be. And I'm not just talking about weight here, that applies to really anything in life. So within this big health change, I'm choosing to surrender to what my body needs to be healthy. And not so much as what I think it needs. I guess in life, you just gotta know when to let go, give it to your higher power, and know that what is meant to be will be. Just know that sometimes what is meant to be isn't always what was in the plan, it may seem like a more complicated path, but sometimes the more complicated the better the end result. So just surrender and listen to your intuition.

Body Love...

      Good Morning Loves and Happy Monday! I hope you all had a great weekend! So this past weekend was pretty eye opening, in a sense where I really had to look within myself and admit the reasoning of why I have been fighting with depression again. I have struggled with it on and off throughout the years, and it has reared it's ugly head once more.  I know the biggest culprit for it has been my 25 pound weight gain over the past year. I fell in love last summer, so naturally started eating out a ton with him which didn't help, but the main reason for it was being diagnosed with Hashimototo's  Disease, aka: Hypothyroidism.
      After moving to Hawaii this past August, I really fell into bad habits by using food as a comfort because I was in a state only knowing my boyfriend. But about 6 weeks ago, I said enough was enough I have to get this weight off. My clothes didn't fit, I felt sluggish, and I knew that using "food" as a crutch was not healthy because I've done it before. The scale has not been kind though, and I have a feeling my thyroid medicine needs adjustment; but aside from that I realized my mindset needs adjusting more than anything.
       Saturday we ended up going to lunch to eat off of  Hawaii's well known shrimp trucks with some of my boyfriend's buddies, but it turned into a whole day of eating. I decided to let myself just enjoy all the interesting new treats my new state had to offer; garlic shrimp, a fried banana, a apple pastry from Ted's Bakery, and finally some shaved ice. By the time we got home I started to feel guilty. I had portioned everything that day, yet my ego said, "well you screwed up your eating today so keep going." But why do we do this and punish ourselves with more food?
     That night after tons of self-loathing, I had a mini meltdown to my bf about my self-hate for all the weight I had gained, which with my hypothyroidism it wasn't even fully in my control. Either way, I knew that I had to face the fact that I was not in a place of self-love, but a place of shame within myself. Then it hit me that it was OKAY. Being thinner last summer didn't fix my problems, so why was I putting so much emphasis on getting thin again? What I needed was a mind change, to start to get back a healthy attitude over my weight and my body. To use food to nourish it, and not abuse it.
     After lots of tears, and a long talk with my bf, (who is truly my best friend) I realized that this weight will come off either way. But what won't come is these moments again. I live in paradise, and I refuse to hold myself prisoner to my body obsession. I still plan to lose those 25 pounds, but in a healthy approach. As well as experiencing a fun and adventurous time in Hawaii. I need to wake up and see what amazing gifts I have in front of me, and that means nature. There are so many beautiful hikes here in this place that I have yet to experience! So if your in the same place as me, wanting to make a change in your body, let's focus on changing our mindsets first. Let's do things to help nourish our souls, so that we don't have to use food to diet obsession to do that. So today loves...let's start to make a conscious effort to becoming self aware of what our body and mind needs. To just eat to live, and not live to eat. To just love our bodies NOW for what they can do instead of what we see in the mirror. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. I'll be here with you guys along the way!

Everybody's got something to give...

      Hello Loves, how have you all been? It has been nearly two weeks since I've blogged and for those of you who follow me on instagram may saw I stepped on and cracked the screen to my laptop! Note to self; don't put your laptop on the ground. Anyways for now I'm using my lil ipad, not as easy but I couldn't go another week without blogging. Which brings me to the title of today's post, "Everybody's got something to give." And I fully believe that we do.
      You see, as children we're conditioned to go to school, pick our major, and get the career that applies to that major. But what if you have something else to give? What if that something isn't in your college catalog?  Do you just sweep it to the side and forget about it, because it's outcome isn't as promising as the career you went to school for is? Well banish that thought, because here's the thing; we all have a certain talent or talents within us that are meant to be shared. This isn't to say that going to school for a career is the wrong way, because let's say you love to help people so you go to school to become a nurse. Good for you, do it fully with passion! I'm talking about those little hidden dreams that you tucked away because you were told they had no promise.
      Well don't buy into those dream crushing thoughts, because no matter what anyone has told you about your dreams, it isn't their duty to tell you they aren't tangible. It's your job to figure out what your talent is and use it as best you can! The world is waiting to feel inspired by you. I promise we all have something magical to give....think of it as you sharing your gold with the world. Even if you decide not to pursue it as a career, don't abandon it because it doesn't benefit your bank account, use it to benefit your soul!