"Laughter, Love, and Lessons Learned..."

"I am woman, I bend I don't break."-Chozenwoman

        Hello Loves! How are you all? I have been just enjoying summer & there has been a lot of changes since the last time I wrote to you. How is your summer going so far? I hope well! I can't believe that tomorrow is August 1st! Time truly flies. So the last time I wrote to you was in mid June & I had just graduated from college as well as going through a breakup. I did not feel the need to even address it because I was still hoping somehow we would get back together, but now that I know it is over so I figured why not share what I learned through this growing period. 

        The week me & E broke up was the last week of my finals & I was trying desperately to hold it together while writing essays & studying. Even after graduation I felt so lost, like I had lost my best friend. For some odd reason the mornings were the worst; more so than the night because I'd wake up wondering if it was reality. Even though we dated only a little under six months & having had longer relationships in the past, for some reason this one really hit hard because I just could not understand where it had went wrong. When someone breaks up with you, rejection can really screw with your self-worth. But after crying at least once a day for two weeks straight; it hit me, I had to learn to become my own best friend again. So that was my limit to pick myself off the ground. 

        So one of the first things I did was find a "Theme Song," which may sound super corny but literally every morning when I'd wake up I would play it..just once a day,  but it still helped. Mine was "Gonna get over you," by Sara Bareilles. It was a cute & uplifting song that made me smile. Then I worked out...a lot! Running has always been my therapy & so I just would pack my workout clothes & would run everyday after work. Somehow it always helps me forget the pain for a while. Then I made a bold change & got a new job after nearly 10 years at the same one. I was so scared, but I really felt like this was just another way of growing & moving on from things that no longer served me. And it truly helped my confidence. With that being said I also decided to take a year off from school until I get my next degree. I need a break & in all honestly I'm not too sure what I plan to do yet. Whether it be professional writing or teaching with my degree in English, I just want more time to think about it. 

           So what else did I do to help me move on a little from my breakup? I dated again, pretty soon after & when I look back on it I think as long as you don't take it too seriously than it is fine, but sometimes it can get a little complicated for the other person, especially if you're not over your ex. And in my case, I wasn't. It was fun for a while, but then I realized that I am just not one of those girls who can jump into something so shortly after. I need time to heal & find myself again. So that is what I have been doing. I have had a few drunken girls nights out, I have rented a lot of movies, done some retail therapy, wrote a lot,  laughed a lot, consumed a lot of sweet treats, & well have just been giving myself the time I need to let myself heal. I have been through bad break ups & truly what I realized within this one is this. Each breakup is in a way the same in the end,  because you feel like you'll never love again or you question yourself-but don't! I was recently rereading an old journal that I had poetry & pieces of my heartaches at 24, 28, & here I was again at 30 & you know what? They were exactly the same sad emotions I described then what I was feeling now, but what gave me a spark of hope was I did make it through those breakups, & each time I fell in love it was more beautiful than the last. And no matter how bad it hurts, just be grateful for that person because in truth they helped you believe in love again. And someday we will find that "last love" that won't ever end. But true love comes from ourselves first....Oh yes & a new hair color always seals the deal in the healing process too! LOL! God Bless Loves & Have Faith!