Mending Broken Fences....

Me, myself, and I......

      Hey Loves! Happy Fall! Can you believe that tomorrow will already be October & then only three months left of 2013? Crazy...but I cannot complain because 30 has probably been one of my happiest years in a long time. Sure there are a lot of mistakes I have made, but through each one I am trying to see them, evaluate them, and eventually learn from them. I am not perfect, and I don't pretend to be either. I have to say that if you aren't able to look at yourself and see your own faults, then you're going to have a pretty hard time getting through life. I truly believe that communication is at the root of all misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even broken relationships. Have you ever hurt someone so much or messed things up that it scares you to even think about how to mend things? I know I have, and the ego can get in the way of fixing them too. To be the first to say your sorry is a scary thing I know, but what's even scarier is losing that person.
      I admit my depression in 2011/12 took a toll on personal relationships of mine. I pushed myself further and further from people because I was caught up in my own unhappiness over my health issues, among other things. So for the next three months I plan to work on these relationships one by one. I know that it is almost impossible to mend things perfectly, but what is the hurt in trying? How exactly can we start when the mess looks out of control? Just piece by piece, day by day I guess. Remember it's all in our perception, and sometimes that means not making assumptions of how others feel. That's one of the biggest things I've tried to practice is to not make assumptions over things I have no idea about.
      I'm learning this in my new relationship to not think or assume he'll do this or that like my past relationships. When you expect to get hurt because you've gotten used to dealing with it, well it's time to change your perspective and expect good things! My new love makes me want to be a better person and that is the best kind of love. So whether you are with someone who makes you want to better yourself, or not, just know it's always a positive thing to look at yourself & your life to see what is fixable. Maybe you aren't ready to mend those broken fences yet, but the first step is to start thinking about them. And sometimes that means leaving things the way they are and letting them go as well. Fear can really overtake our life and ruin things if we let it, so we have to put our energy into faith instead. So have faith that whatever messes you've made emotionally can be fixed too. Some may take longer than others, but that is life. So start thinking faithfully, not fearfully.

His love makes me want to be a better me....

A Summer's Glow...

Pure Bliss.....

Summer Living......

       Hello Loves!!! Happy September! How are you all? I have missed blogging a lot & so much has happened since the last time we talked. My last post at the end of July was about all of the changes that had happened, my breakup, & finding myself again. I still feel like each day we as women grow, & I know all the changes that happened that seemed scary were actually true blessing in disguise. I think I am truly the happiest I have ever been. 30 has truly been a beautiful year. It's so funny because I made a vision board back in January with one of my best friends Rasha & a lot of the visions I wanted to come true have & still are. I had my 1st solo art show, I moved out on my own, I left my job after nearly ten years, & so much more.
     

Body Acceptance never felt so good....

I think one of the biggest changes that I am really proud of & feel amazing about is that after many years of being obsessed over my weight, I have finally come to terms with loving my body. My weight obsession was like a bad best friend I could not kick since I was about 17 when I first started to gain weight. Then going on prednisone & gaining 50 pounds twice didn't help either. After years of keeping a food journal, I finally stopped & I have never felt better. Why do we feel we need to wait for a number to tell us when we can start living our life? You see, I had it wrong all along, because you have to love life, live it, embrace it, & in that you may just start to fall in love with your body. Also I had a two week flare up a few weeks ago with my autoimmune disease & it was really scary to the point where I thought I might relapse. Luckily I didn't, but it truly woke me up to the most important thing & that should always be my health, not my weight. Yes, I have cellulite, stretch marks, & I'll never have a flat tummy, but I am fine with that. There is so much more to life than counting calories. I have finally let go of that bad best friend (aka: My Weight Obsession) & I don't miss her one bit.
       Another exciting thing that has happened is I have fallen in love again. I know, it seems so quick but it always comes when you aren't looking. In this case, after just getting out of a relationship only at the beginning of the summer I was definitely not looking for another one. I'll never forget sitting there on Memorial Day so sad after my ex broke up with me. There I was a few days before my college graduation starting summer out completely heartbroken & feeling lost. Fast forward to today, celebrating Labor Day with my new love, yet aside from being in love again, I just feel found again. My new boyfriend has been my best friend since I was in 7th grade, & we giggle that our love story feels like one of those movies where you realize that person you've been searching for has been there all along. We had not seen each other in years, but once we did, it felt like no time had passed. Overall I am just so grateful. I'm healthy & in remission. I love my new job. I'm taking a year off of school to write, paint, & just live! It feels kind of like a "Summer Glow."

Love....

Pure Bliss...Coffee for two.