A little bit of Inspiration and Some Yoga...

Hello Loves...I have so much to do in terms of studying for finals but have not blogged in about a week, and I feel the itch..how are you all? Again...Thank you to all my supportive friends, and family who seem interested in my silly little blog, it warms my soul and makes me feel special. Especially when I get responds from my two Fav. Bloggers "I love you to the Moon," by Amber & "The Life of a cupcake," by Julie. Beautiful Woman Inside&Out & their blogs are exactly why I started mine..to hopefully INSPIRE other Women as they have inspired me. Who inspires you? I get inspired just by meeting a stranger who is super friendly or is just confident in their skin. I am truly lucky I have many different inspiring women in mine, each one I know I take a piece of them with me and apply it to my own life. This week was an eye opening moment for me after venting to a friend the things I do not like about myself and how sometimes everyone's else's world may seem perfect, she pointed out, "Do you ever stop to think that maybe people look up to you in a way or admire something you have achieved? With your paintings, writing, or your clients you motivate on a daily basis?" And she was right, sometimes we get so caught up in comparing ourselves and feeling like a scattered mess at that moment but then was able to sit back and say, "Yes there are good things here within me, and not just the outer but the inner. I always am trying daily to help woman build themselves up at work, when what I needed to do was look in the mirror and do the same. And so again I look to see who and what brings me up. Two things today...one it is one of my Aunt's birthday, she inspires me because she is one of the most loving nurturing people in my world to me as my Dear Nana was, and she has given me so many gifts. And by gifts I mean-Confidence, strength, motivation to be independent, and most of all when nobody else not even myself believed in me she did. I had a really rough weekend with my body, my fatigue got the best of me, and after not being able to practice hot yoga the last few months because of my flareup I forced myself to try today. And what do you know one of my favorite yoga instructors Janna who is such a Beautiful woman was there to greet me with a "We missed you!" Her face lit up when she saw me and that in itself melted away all the fears and intimidation I felt going in. It was a good day and a good practice. Very Inspiring. Namaste.

A Sunday Kind of Love...

Finding Time for Me, Myself, & I...

Hello Loves..Happy Sunday! Hope you all had a Beautiful Weekend! I am working six days straight so my tuesday is my friday..LOL. But I only work half days on Sat&Sun so it's not too bad...I love my sundays. I usually need at least 1 or 2 days on my own to be alone & have quite time...doesn't everyone?! I wish there were more hours in the day because I feel like I never get it all done. I am a big "To Do" List Girl (It actually makes me super happy to make them) LOL..I feel more organized mentally & uncluttered.

Today I got all the nonfun things out of the way aka: cleaning & laundry..I in a weird way enjoy those things but I intended on writing and painting. I have a "Self Portrait" Theme for my next Art Show which makes me a little nervous because it feels..a bit narcissistic? I know it isn't though...I mean geez look at Frida Kahlo, one of the greatest painters of all time? She is known for her Self Portraits. So I will try to at least sketch it..but it is hard to put into a painting how I see myself? Day by Day, Year by Year though the whole "Self Love" Concept gets easier..were all a bit hard on ourselves and why? So who knows maybe in painting the way I see myself it will spread a bit of self love onto myself...because I am definitely my own worst critic.

Anyways like I said today I sort of just did what I wanted...I watched one of my favorite mini documentaries called "Four" on Beyonce (The picture above is from it)..& she is such a beautiful woman inside & out. It was inspiring...Her main reason for it was her showing pieces of her life over the course of a year that she took off from work. And she just lived...yes some would say "Oh but she has so much money to do or travel whenever." But if you look at things that way you'll never find the beauty in simplicity. 

So what makes you happy on a sunday? I love my quite time where I don't have to talk or listen to anyone but just listen my favorite kind of music (I'm a bit obsessed with Pandora) Lol...or watching a good show or movie.. I love to go for a run or take a yoga class. Or go grab a yummy coffee or as I did today a frozen yogurt.. Journaling because I get to write out all the things that have been built up in my head from the week..and not just things that worry me but things or people I am grateful for. Like this week was a good joint week for the most part, so I was grateful to have a healthy week. Painting, reading, napping, daydreaming...the list goes on and on. Sundays are fun spent with loved ones too...but for me I treasure my "ME" time so much & I don't go to church too much but maybe that's why I love my quite sundays because it's my time with God in a way since it's always so peaceful. Today I saw my Nana too...She's a Butterfly (I'll share that story in another blog) but whenever a Butterflies come around me I know she's visiting..So yes today my Sunday was a day of peace, God, & a Butterfly....

(uncensored)

Hello my Lovelys...
Well I told you all I would be real right? Today was a really hard day. Have you ever felt so alone sometimes where you feel as though you are speaking a foreign language and no one seems to hear you or understand? That was today and sort of well the whole week. There are beautiful things in my life at the moment I know that..school is ending this semester, I have a second date with the boy who gave me butterflies last week,  I have my purple bunny back..yes a lot to be grateful for. But there are those days where you wanna scream because the isolation is too much, and in a way we tend to isolate ourselves more when we are down. Which is not always good, today though I wanted to be alone after certain things in the day and in the last week upset me.
I guess sometimes for a moment you wanna be somewhere else or someone else because their life seems so much easier. Yes the grass can seem always greener, so I always try not to let those feelings get the best of me..I am nor ever have been a jealous person because I believe when you envy someone you should take it and use it as inspiration to better yourself. On the other hand, I truly have been trying to stay strong with my autoimmune disease flaring up and not feeling I can control that. It gets frustrating because it's somehow changed in a sense where the pain comes more often and I can't hide it, yet the odd thing is lately I feel like nobody takes it seriously because it is not visible. I find myself trying to defend that I am really in pain, but I feel that certain people in my life nod and smile but they really feel like I am being dramatic or whatever. So because I don't have visible bruises or a bald head because of chemo does not mean that I was not on a chemo pill form for this disease because I was when I was first diagnosed, and just because the bruises are not showing does not mean they are not there underneath my skin just like my emotional pain.
I know people have it worse, I truly do. I watched my Brave Nana fight Breast Cancer for years and never complained, but she was stronger I guess. Although she gives me strength every time I pray to her now since she's in heaven. But I also know that I have a right to be scared and frustrated that as a 29 year old I've had to deal with this since I was 20 and none of my friends have had too. But I don't need to prove to anyone or get their approval to have a bad day with it, because in the end we have just us. So I finally surrendered trying to get empathy and get them to understand me, and decided I just needed a "ME" day. I turned off my cell, put my PJ's on, put on my favorite dvds, picked up a frozen yogurt with chocolate chips, and wrote. One person who always gives me comfort is my Dad, who's out of town and called me. Nothing I say is ever foreign to him, but I guess that's what happens with your best friends, they just get it. So now you know why I titled today's blog "uncensored." Raw I know but were all human and have these days, so my Lovelys know were never truly alone because we all have off days..but the good news is they will eventually pass.

My Little Velveteen Rabbit....

Hello my Friends, hope everyone's weekend is going well. This was a sort of hard week for me, because after my "Festive Weekend" as I described in my last blog, my body went into over exhaustion mode which is never fun. By Monday night my hands could barely move, and by the next day my whole body was in aching pain with my joints. I could not run this week or restart my hot yoga which bummed me out, but I realized I had to listen to my body. Wednesday I was feeling pretty down on a new pain pill I was trying and then I got the best uplifting text ever. Almost a year ago, I lost my childhood bunny that I have literally slept with since I was born, so yes he's almost 30...LOL. I had moved away from my Aunt's casa, and she sent me a picture of my long lost bunny      

that had been discovered by my lil cousin in a drawer. I practically cried I was so happy, and after the pain I was in that day it was exactly the healing comfort my body and spirit needed. 

I wondered why I had been so heartbroken over losing it, and it hit me. It wasn't so much the stuffed animal itself but the attachment I had grown to it as a little girl. When life was chaotic as a child at times, which what household isn't? It was my comfort to calm my tears, my pain, and my sadness as a child which had carried me through those same emotions as an adult...and isn't all the pain the same? Whether it be the moment you cry as a six year old girl from tripping or an adult getting a scary diagnosis it's all the same feelings just attached to different ages. We all have a comfort in some little way, my bunny is a big one but so is a cup of coffee, a run, my cat, a framed pictured of my Nana who's passed, and of course writing. Some comforts have changed as I have gotten older yet my bunny, which reminds me of the a childhood story growing up called, "The Velveteen Rabbit" will always be one of my most treasured.

So what is your little bundle of comfort? What gets you through the day? After talking to a few friends, I realized I was not the only grown up holding on to a childhood stuffed animal or doll, in fact practically every person I mentioned it to would describe their own. Like I said it's the memory that we hold onto that's attached to the possession, not the possession itself. My bunny may be a little shabby, but the happiness and healing it has brought me is something that can never be replaced. 

Going Up,Up, and away...Into Happiness that is!

Hello Lovelys! Wow the week flew! Hope all of you had an Amazing Week! I feel so blessed because life is just getting better&better! I had great results from the Doctor last week..well as great as I can say it is. I'm starting to feel a lot better & when you feel better physically it definitely manifests emotionally! I ran 5 days, and this week I will start back to my hot yoga which I've missed for the last 3 months because I physically wasn't able to do it, ya know? For any of you who have never tried it, try it! I've tortured myself over my weight & body issues throughout the years and nothing else such as books, therapy, people, or a diet has helped me as yoga has. It showed me to Love & Appreciate my body not only for what it looks like but for what it can do! Besides getting back to working out and realizing how happy that makes me I noticed lots of laughter doesn't hurt much either...and butterflies. Who knew ;) I started my weekend out with meeting up with my cousin who is also like a sister (since I don't have one) and who is also one of bestest friends. We had our first big misunderstanding that lead a few months of distance which was weighing heavy on my heart but we got our Starbucks, took a beautiful sunset walk on the beach and layed it all out there. It was such a raw and beautiful talk. She knows me like none else. But truly that's what relationships are all about, communication, admitting when your wrong (which we both did) and then you grow from it. Saturday I did a Beautiful 6mile run on the beach, and had a blast playing my Britney&Mariah music as I people watched. So Fun! That night was a Girls Night out with one of my dear friends, heels, lipgloss,& cosmos...So very "Sex&The City." LOL! I met an adorable guy and it was the first time in a white that I've felt butterflies. Butterflies are nice...they make you feel alive again! I ended the weekend with menudo and margaritas to cure my hangover..lol and then went on my hunt for a colorful pair of cowboy boots for a western wedding I am going to soon. No luck yet but I'm on a mission Lol! It was a day full of laughs with my parents and girlfriend then we ended the night with veggie pizza and Housewives of New Jersey. I try to eat healthy and started to feel a bit guilty for all the drinks, and quote "bad foods" but stopped myself because I realized what a carefree fun weekend I had! My cousin B that I had the walk with friday night  just turned 29 and I'll be 30 in December so she gave me an idea to make a list of 30 things to accomplish before we turn 30 and I thought that was a great idea! So I need to start because she's got 6 extra months on me! Anyways I again just wanted to share with you all how things can and will turn around if you just allow yourself to feel the saddness, pain, or whatever it is your going through, then decide to move on. Some say pray, write it out, work it out, mediate, which I did all of that and life isn't perfect ( Perfections boring anyways) but know there will be no rainbow if there is no storm ( I think Dolly Partin said that once) Lol. And this weekend my ray of rainbows was from running, laughter, and butterflies....