Revamp your budget & home...

Hey Loves! Happy Wednesday! I can't believe that tomorrow is Thanksgiving! After that the craziness really starts with the holidays then we'll be starting a new year! So since it's the end of the year I always like to look at all areas in my life and really notice what needs some fixing up. Whether it be decluttering before the end of the year, redoing my budget, or other things it is important to get it done. How about you? Do you like to revamp your life not only at the beginning of the year but also as well as the end of it? 

There's something about starting the holiday season off feeling organized and on top of things. The biggest thing I like to start with is my home. I deep clean it once a week, but now I am also getting rid of old junk before the new goodies from Christmas come in. Here are some tips that I have done recently to feel clear headed and calm before the chaos. 

 

1) Start with your closets and grab trash bags. One for trash and one for the Goodwill. I like to go through & get rid of old clothes I don't wear. They say if it's been there a year, toss it. I toss things in months lol! 

2) Go through your junk drawer...I'll have pictures put aside I've been meaning to mail out or stationary that I've been meaning to use. Put it in a pile so you get to it. It always makes people feel good to get mail not only through the year, but especially the holidays. Make sure all your pens, highlighters and the rest still work too. 

3) Go through your magazines. This is a big one! I have been called the magazine hoarder so what I do is every month or so I sit down and go through each one. I tear out interesting articles I want to still read, products I want to buy, recipes and so on. Then I seperate them in a folder with files by category. Fitness, Inspiring articles, recipes, makeup...etc. It makes things easier. 

4) Clean out your car! Now that your house is done, you want to feel zen away from home. Do a deep clean and take in the house all the things you keep forgetting in there such as shoes, jackets, and so on. Then end your car revamp with a yummy smelling car plug in too.

So now that I've gone over organizing your home, I think now it's time to tell you how I'm working on my budget so I don't feel depressed after Christmas haha. No but seriously we have a baby on the way and were saving for a house. Here's some tips that have helped me that I'm hoping will help you...

1) Minamize the gifts you buy...every other year is fine to splurge on more people or nicer presents, but doing that consistently can be too much. Especially if you have a  financial goal in mind like saving for a house or paying down your debt.

2) Let your close girlfriends or family ahead of time that you won't be exchanging gifts this year. We're at least doing our immediate family, but as far as my girlfriends and their kids I just can't do it this year. And they've all been super sweet and understanding too.

3) Remember it doesn't always have to be something you spend money on. You can bake for your loved ones if you feel bad not giving them anything...everyone loves desserts! 

4) Meal Plan Weekly. Look at your calender for upcoming holiday parties and meals out. Then plan the rest of your meals at home. It's like you're on a diet where eating at home is better for you than eating out. Except it's a financial diet! Also try to ditch to a grocery budget. Ours is about $150 a week: I don't always stick to it, but I try. 

5) Use the cash system. I used this before I even realized it was a thing. There's a ton of financial you tubers who talk about this...but I went one step further than I used to by making wallet seperation slots. I got this idea from youtuber "OCD Much?" Love her channel

and her advice! All you do is get index cards (I still had to cut mine to fit my wallet though.) Then I put post it's on them by category. "Gas, Groceries, and Me. I also made one for receipts. You just slip them where the money would go. When we swipe our debit card nonstop, we can easily lose track of what we spend. 

So there you have it...my tips for revamping your home, car and even your wallet. I am by no means perfect and believe me I'm still trying to work on my TJ Maxx addiction. When things are zen like in your outside circumstances, the mind naturally will follow. This is a gift you're giving to yourself by minimizing stress! I hope this post inspired you in some way and I hope you have a beautiful holiday tomorrow!   

The line in Social Media: Real vs Fake

Hey Loves! Happy Sunday! Hope you are all well! So there has been a lot of talk online lately about Instagram Star/Model Essena O'Neil coming out and claiming that social media is fake, staged, and basically just a facade. I never followed her on Instagram...but I did on her YouTube, where she'd post great vegan recipes as well as beauty tips. Looking back though, her videos did show this almost "too perfect" life of no dirty dishes and pretty decor. Yet isn't that what us humans want...only to see the pretty things? What's your take on Essena's claim? 

I've been blogging over 3 years now, and on Instagram did a year long "Self-Love Project" where daily I would post either a message under a picture I took or my take on a picture quote I saw. It actually was really cool and I met tons of amazing women around the world whom I still talk to, write letters with, and so on. I think when it stops being fun is when you need to reevaluate it. Towards the middle of my year long project, it started to become hard, especially after my breakup. But I tried to keep it as real as I could, but even that was a little too open for others I knew. It made them uncomfortable that I was comfortable with sharing the realness of my struggles. Whether it was about my breakup, my health or my lack of feeling good enough. Someone is always going to have something to say, no matter what we post. I think people respected the fact that I was honest though, because they could relate to me more.

Essena makes it a point to say why social media stopped being fun for her. She said she was forcing products to sell, forcing "zen" in her yoga picture poses, and all together just forcing some picture perfect life. I think it's so commendable that she's coming out because she wants women to stop reaching to obtain "this life" because in reality you never really know if that even exsists. You could see a girl sporting exspensive name brands while struggling to pay her rent. Or maybe they do really have that money...but are really just empty inside and use those materialistic things to feel whole? You never really know.  

We've all been guilty of it. The girl who posts the dolled up selfie in hopes of the "You're so pretty" compliment. I WAS that girl. But I realized those compliments I got only filled me up for a minute. I'm all for a selfie here & there...if you're having fun, feeling pretty, why not? But it's when you live for those likes and compliments. Are you posting a million couple pictures hoping to get a "OMG #goals" type comment? (So stupid that goals hashtag by the way!) If you're so confident in your relationship you shouldn't have to remind the world of that daily. Goals should be trying to inspire others by how nice you are. Mother Teresa didn't look perfect or need to brag to get love, she was just a good human being. And truthfully if you're posting fake images of a life that you don't really live, well jokes on you.

You see my picture above...as soon as I took it, I looked down and there was a fly in my coffee. I could of posted it and said "Perfect Sunday" or some BS like that...Lol...but no there's a damn fly in it. You all may see me post pretty pictures of living in Hawaii. It's beautiful, but I've really struggled living here away from my family and friends. You've seen me and my BF, but we have our fights just like everyone else. And that's okay. That's real life! It's fine to  post pretty pictures and follow others pretty accounts too, but make sure it brings something to your life! If it motivates you, makes you laugh, and inspires you then you're using social media the right way. If not then it's time to press "Unfollow." 

Getting unstuck...

Hey Loves! Happy October! Can't believe we're already halfway through the month. And only two and a half months away from 2016! WOW! Now as you know the New Years is a huge time to set goals, start fresh, and just live the best you can. I gotta say over the past year since I moved to Hawaii I have been living in a prison. Within my own mind...have you ever felt that way? I've limited myself to the point of being handicap socially, professionally, and so on. I did not like Hawaii and that was that. I wasn't with my friends any longer, I wasn't with family, and overall wasn't settled.

 Since I have known that my bf has commited to a certain amount of years here I have been counting the days down...literally. Just trying to get from one day to the next. It's kinda like when you hate your job and you start counting the hours down the minute you clock in. That's how I have been living life. Not a positive way to think or live. But since I have gotten pregnant there has been a lot to think about. It isn't just about me and my boyfriend anymore. It's about the life inside of me now. And I want to be the best role model I can. 

I've always been a procrastinator and would always put things off until the last minute. Or I would just completely miss my chance and the moment would pass me by. Well I don't want to live that way anymore. They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Well since moving to Hawaii I have wanted to resort to that comfort zone. Go back to the life I always knew. But would that even really make me as happy as I think it would? 

It's all in perspective and mine has been so negative since moving to Hawaii. I would say "I have no friends, no family, I hate Hawaii. I hate it so much!" But is it Hawaii's fault I've been so stuck? Hell no. It's mine! Playing the victim role and alloying the ego to rule my happiness. After we left our Doctor's Apt yesterday we had just found out about having a boy. We went to Honolulu to celebrate and eat. Walking around there always makes me so happy. It's always sunny, there are a lot of people and great energy. I already felt uplifted! 

Knowing my boyfriend's job has much more opportunity here in Hawaii maybe it was time to stop hating it here and start loving it. We decided the number one reason we have been unhappy is where we have been living. It rains everyday and there isn't much going on in our town. So we started driving around the island and he was showing me potential places to live. I started feeling something I haven't felt in a long time...excitement and hope. It was so sunny and as dumb as it sounds I hadn't seen that in a while. I'm definitely a person who is affected by the weather. Maybe this was a place I could settle into. I have been meeting more girlfriends and stuff so maybe it could. Get back to me. There will be a lot of changes to come in the next few months before the baby comes, but it's all exciting stuff. 

Have you been stuck like me? Where nothing excites you like it used too? Your job sucks, you're bored, and feel your life is mundane? I totally get it and I want you to know it can and will get better. It's all up to us. And I don't know about you..but I'm really to start living and stop drifting through life. 2016 is coming but there's no reason we can't start to renew our lives now and get unstuck. Let's do it together! 

Dating Diaries of my 20's...The "Don'ts"

Hey Loves! How are you all? Happy Friday! So I've been thinking a lot about my 20's and things I've learned along the way~especially about dating. I've now been with the man I'm going to marry for a few years now and I couldn't be happier. But let's be real...it took a lot of frogs and bad dates to find my Prince. So here a few dates I went on and why you should run if you see these signs on a 1st date too...LOL

~The guy who claimed he was so rich he pulled out a dollar bill to use as a napkin for his gum! Yes I know! Disgusting!

~The guy who took my leftovers home at the end of our date. One word: Cheapass! Lol!! 

~The guy who kept saying, "I don't mean to sound conceited but..." No stop! You are conceited. 

~The "WE" guy. As "Sex & The City" did an episode on this..it's true. They're out there! Lol! 

~The guy who doesn't offer you a beverage or snack at the movies. First he paid for our movie date with coupons..then he walked by the snack bar faster than fast. I was practically choking on my own saliva during the 2 hour movie! Haha!!! 

~The guy who has road rage on the 2nd date. Yes he was cussing at the car in front of us...I then knew I had to run...fast! Lol..yikes! 

 

So those are some bad dates I went on through my 20's. Some things are silly but here's the thing-there are always red flags in dating and eventually relationships. Here are a few I saw through the years in other guys that I ignored but I'm hoping you won't ignore these as well. 

 ~The guy who will embarrass you in front of other girls or waitresses. Think about it-your partner is supposed to have your back, and laugh with you. Not laugh at you with others. 

~The guy who says he doesn't want kids. Sometimes it's not even that-he just doesn't want them with you. Harsh I know. 

~The guy you have tons of fun with when you're sipping on wine, but when sober it's not so fun. Same with sex. It will all dwindle away eventually so you need to have a connection. 

~The guy who treats his Mom or and sisters like crap. That will eventually be you. 

~The guy who leaves you hanging. Busy is never an excuse. When men want to spend time with you, nothing will get in the way. 

So those are just some of the red flags I saw and ignored through the years. If I knew that those weren't normal, I would of saved myself so much grief over men. But you live and you learn. Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing dates as well as relationships throughout the years, but I wanted to make a "Don't" list. The biggest "Do" I learned within my current relationship is this; Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort box. For so many years I was shallow with a certain type. Latin men with dark features whom were this, that, and so on. Most were good dressers, were smooth talkers, and tried to empress me with their shallow promises. That's all great for a while, but eventually it fades. My love now wears stripes with camoflauge. He isn't Latin or a smooth talker. But he treats me like a Queen and it's easy to love him. It's fun and funny, and he would never ever laugh at me, only with me. That's the type of guy you want. 

Oh Baby....

Hey Loves...How are you all? So I've been thinking....I would love to hear more about you guys & what you would like me to write about on this blog. This is a two way conversation so let me know any posts or ideas you would want to read about. To be honest...I have been sort of on a writer's block since my last post. As some of you may have seen on my social media I just announced a few weeks ago I'm expecting my first baby. It's so crazy how things can change within a few years, seeing that I had written about ever even having kids...and here I am; knocked up! Lol 

It started in June. I went to my yearly "girl apt" and I remember telling my Dr. I had had done the deed without protection...but wasn't worried because I always thought I'd be one of those women who take forever to get pregnant. We even did a test but it showed up negative. Little did I know I was already but it was too early for my test to detect. A few weeks went by...and it was the middle of July. I was trying to workout and was having the hardest time jumping because my breast pain was so extreme. "Well guess I'm gna start my cycle," I thought. A week went by and still no cycle, but my breast tenderness was out of control. 

Fast forward to taking the test. I took the first one. "YES," with a plus sign. I walked out jaw dropped. No way. Took the second one. Same answer. I couldn't believe it. My love was ecstatic. And so was I now. Things I believed before diminished within a second. My eating/diet obsessions went right out the window. Because it wasn't about me anymore. My selfishness quickly faded in that moment.  

So here I am 15 weeks pregnant and it still doesn't feel real. I don't have a full belly yet, but I def. feel different in a lot of ways....here are just some. 

1) I cry...a lot. Happy, Sad, and "I have no idea tears" are a constant. It's actually funny because they're mostly over something not even that touching, like a cheesy commercial. 

2) I'm itchy! Coco butter helps but not always. 

3) Freedom from dieting. Yes everyone says eat healthy, which I do a lot but I also let myself enjoy & not feel guilty like I did for nearly 17 years if my life. It feels...well great. 

4) I don't have control over my body, the swelling, the exhaustion, and things like that. I have to just go with the flow. Which has been really hard, although with having an autoimmune disease I do know that feeling of not having control always. But I have never been a fan..lol! 

5) It has brought me closer to my boyfriend. I didn't think I could love him more, but now it's a whole new level. 

And last but not least...you'll have to buy new bras every other week. Lol! At least I do. But all in all....it's kinda cool knowing your little one is nesting up in your belly. Last week I had a meltdown to my Dr. over not feeling attractive anymore or in control. Yet hearing my babies heartbeat a few minutes later made it all go away. Because you're building a life, and that baby is already depending on you to eat well, sleep good, be positive, and well take care of her. It's humbling in a lot of ways and I wouldn't trade it for the world. And if you haven't already experienced it, I hope you do.  

Don't Deny Yourself....

Hey Loves...gosh it feels like forever since I've written and in truth it has been forever. I owe you all a big apology. I have been super flakey and inconsistent on this blog the past few years which in turn would make you guys lose faith in my writing. The truth is...I lost faith in it too. You see, I have journaled since I was 12 years old...which makes that like 20 years! (YIKES!) Don't do the math! Lol! No, but honestly I never use to share my entries or my poetry until I did. And people responded well. So I thought, "Gosh maybe this writing thing could be a career or a fun way to inspire people at best!" I was very consistent the first year and a half and then things took a turn.

 

First, I got a little burnt out from it, but most of all I let people's opinions paralyze my need to write. You see...I've always been a open person. Too open some would say, especially in my writing. That doesn't make strangers uncomfortable, which is great because I truly feel I am writing for them anyways. It's the ones you know who do. My last post titled, "My Inner Battle with Food" got quite a bit of feedback...only it was from the ones I knew. There were lots of concerned texts and calls asking if I was okay and that maybe I should even seek therapy (which by the way I have done and am all for it when needed) but there was also embarrassment on other's mind. Gasp! "How could you be so open about your Binge Eating Disorder?" and "Why would you air out your dirty laundry like that?" 

My question is this..."Why wouldn't I?" Where would I be today if no other woman shared their truth in hopes of trying to help others with whatever they were going through. Whether it be a friend, celebrity, Instagram famous, or whichever, each one of us has a story, and why would we deny someone else that if we knew it might help them in some way? When I wrote that blog post, it wasn't to get attention or sympathy. Heck no! I am not a victim in any sense. I wanted to show others that they aren't alone in their struggle is food if that is their struggle. I know the ones whom let me know their opinions over my post were not coming from bad places, but only concern. I appreciate that. I am lucky to have people whom love me that much. Truly. But that same shame I used to feel after a binge was exactly the way that blog post left me feeling; raw, ashamed, and vulnerable. It wasn't anybody's fault but my own though. We choose our reactions to the actions of others. 

 

Which brings me to my point of this whole blog post. You see, in life there will be people telling you what they think is best for you. Whether that's telling you to zip it when you speak too openingly, or to stay put in life because it's the safe route. But we can't live based off of what people tell us to do. Even if your a people pleaser like me. I stand by that blog post. It took a ton of courage to not only write, but to share as well. And to be honest, it freed me in many ways because I have not binged once since that post. Like I said I've struggled up and down through the years, but to get out of that relapse was one of the hardest. And I think in not denying my personal truth is what really did it. Don't deny yourself the urge to share your story. Don't deny yourself to live your life built on your own expectations. And sometimes you shouldn't deny yourself of that extra piece of cake either. Lol! And I promise not to deny you my blogging due to my own selfish insecurities. Because in the end, as much as we need to read what other's have been through to help us, us writers need to write it out as well to do the same. 

My Inner Battle with Food...

Hello Loves! 

How are you all? Today is very personal blog post. One that I have been deathly afraid to write, let alone post. As you know last week was my 1st post in a long time. I talked about where I have been the last year, but I didn't go as deeply as I am ready to go today, but I want to because if can help just 1 person I am happy. Something I have been struggling with since I can remember is my "Binge Eating Disorder." Most people don't realize or even believe this is a true 

eating disorder because they don't understand it. Sometimes I had wished I had struggled with a more known one just for the sake of not getting that, "You just need willpower and discipline" disgusted look. This disorder is a very shameful one. Nobody wants to admit they've devoured a whole bag of chips in one sitting or 6 donuts at once. And yes I have done those things, or should I say have ate them..LOL! 

So when did this start? Does it really matter...I mean I can remember as early as about 9 years old hiding behind a living room table stuffing my face with a bowl of cereal. Do I know why I did that then? Of course not, but most likely the same reason I do it now; to sooth myself. The thing is I have an addictive personality and I always have had a very "All or Nothing" mindset. When food becomes that addiction, it is almost even harder than drugs or alcohol because you have to eat to live. With alcohol and drugs, you are able to live without them. Although at times it doesn't feel that way For some. I have gotten my eating in control at certain times within my life, but this past year has just not been one of those times. As it shows with my 45 pound weight gain. 

The biggest lesson that I have learned over the past month from reading some amazing books on this, (Which I will provide at the end of this post) is that this disorder is all about keeping a secret. And since I opened up to my boyfriend as well as a couple girlfriends recently, I have felt more free. It's so exhausting living this way. Quietly unwrapping food wrappers at 2am so you don't wake your partner, buying replacement food of the ones you've stolen from your roomate, and then waking up with that terrible food hangover the next morning. My hangovers have gotten even worse because I'll eat gluten which doesn't agree with me already. But when you're in that binge mode, none of those rules apply. All you need to do is quiet that inner dialogue, the "Binge Monster" if you will. 

But at the end of the day, each binge has felt like a one night stand. Feeling good in that moment, temporarily fulfilling that deep emptiness that lingers inside, and yet waking up feeling even more alone and lost then before. Ever feel that way after a binge? The truth is this; whether it is BED (Binge Eating Disorder), Bulima, Anorexia, or even just being straight up obsessive about dieting, it all stems from the same thing. What you ask, well it all comes down to fufilling our need to feel loved, not just by others but ourselves. The food addiction, or lack of in some disorders is just to gain control, to numb ourselves, to feel powerful, etc. Think about it, if an anorexic isn't eating, they are trying to prove to themselves that they're in control. So where in their life are they feeling that lack of control? In binging, we are trying to stuff down whatever feelings we are avoiding feeling, or maybe we are punishing ourselves with it afterbreaking our diet earlier that day. Yet why are we so afraid to feel? I'm referring to "we" because I am one of them. 

So whether you struggle with any of the disorders above, don't feel bad and don't feel alone, because you're not. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that being truthful is number 1. Just sharing this with you guys, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hope that somewhere in this post, you felt a little less alone. I wanted to share this, so that I can share the upcoming ups & downs of my recovery. And in turn, get to learn about yours. Thank you for taking the time to not only read this post, but for not judging me. I look forward to opening up this truthful conversation between us women. 

  

Books that have helped me in the past, as well as recently with my BED. 

"The Love-Powered Diet," by one of my FAVORITE Authors-Victoria Moran

"food: the good girl's drug," by Sunny Sea Gold 

Getting back to me...

 

Hello Loves! 

How are you all? Gosh I've missed writing so much! I've missed the conversation between us! I didn't even realize it but when I decided to start blogging again, that the last time was November of 2014...YIKES! Anyway I'm back, in more ways than one! I literally have been in a year long rut...yes a whole year of my life that I've let pass me by. Have you ever been in that mindset...where you're just drifting through life? How did you pull through? Did you have to hit rock bottom in order to get back up? 

For me, it honestly started last June. I was newly diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease (Hypothyroid as well as Hyperthyroid) but of course I got the hypo symptoms and gained nearly 20 pounds! Then was laid off from my job, which turned out to be a blessing since I had already planned on moving to Hawaii for boyfriend's job (I know poor me right?), but it still didn't feel good being laid off in the way it was. Feeling depressed in Hawaii, I felt guilty for feeling so down living in such a beautiful place, but it just goes to show everything truly comes from within. Just like some celebrities whom have everything, yet confess after a stint at rehab that they still felt alone. Well that was me..no need to go into boring details, but I'm ready to get back to me! 

So fast forward to now...a year later. I have put on another 25 pounds, no job, I haven't blogged in almost a year, have barely journaled, and have basically just used food or wine to numb my unhappiness. But last night after a very eye opening long talk with my boyfriend he admitted he missed the old motivated happy me. I agreed, and I woke up today with a whole new zest. No more laying around feeling sorry for myself and no more self-medicating myself with food or any other unhealthy vices. Have you guys struggled with unhealthy vices..I know I have with food especially.

So if you've fallen in a bad rut recently...join me in taking leaps to change. I am a procrastinator, always have been, but gosh I'm 32 now, like enough is enough! I have lots to be grateful for, as I'm sure you do too! First thing is to reconize that and then you'll always have enough! Also what are you no longer doing that used to bring you happiness and kept you centered? For me, it has and will always be writing since I was twelve years old. That is my outlet, but by in neglecting that over the past I have took up different outlets, and they haven't been healthy.  So let's do this! No matter what we are never alone in what we're going through. Time to get back to you, time to get back to me, time to get back to us....