Dating Diaries of my 20's...The "Don'ts"

Hey Loves! How are you all? Happy Friday! So I've been thinking a lot about my 20's and things I've learned along the way~especially about dating. I've now been with the man I'm going to marry for a few years now and I couldn't be happier. But let's be real...it took a lot of frogs and bad dates to find my Prince. So here a few dates I went on and why you should run if you see these signs on a 1st date too...LOL

~The guy who claimed he was so rich he pulled out a dollar bill to use as a napkin for his gum! Yes I know! Disgusting!

~The guy who took my leftovers home at the end of our date. One word: Cheapass! Lol!! 

~The guy who kept saying, "I don't mean to sound conceited but..." No stop! You are conceited. 

~The "WE" guy. As "Sex & The City" did an episode on this..it's true. They're out there! Lol! 

~The guy who doesn't offer you a beverage or snack at the movies. First he paid for our movie date with coupons..then he walked by the snack bar faster than fast. I was practically choking on my own saliva during the 2 hour movie! Haha!!! 

~The guy who has road rage on the 2nd date. Yes he was cussing at the car in front of us...I then knew I had to run...fast! Lol..yikes! 

 

So those are some bad dates I went on through my 20's. Some things are silly but here's the thing-there are always red flags in dating and eventually relationships. Here are a few I saw through the years in other guys that I ignored but I'm hoping you won't ignore these as well. 

 ~The guy who will embarrass you in front of other girls or waitresses. Think about it-your partner is supposed to have your back, and laugh with you. Not laugh at you with others. 

~The guy who says he doesn't want kids. Sometimes it's not even that-he just doesn't want them with you. Harsh I know. 

~The guy you have tons of fun with when you're sipping on wine, but when sober it's not so fun. Same with sex. It will all dwindle away eventually so you need to have a connection. 

~The guy who treats his Mom or and sisters like crap. That will eventually be you. 

~The guy who leaves you hanging. Busy is never an excuse. When men want to spend time with you, nothing will get in the way. 

So those are just some of the red flags I saw and ignored through the years. If I knew that those weren't normal, I would of saved myself so much grief over men. But you live and you learn. Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing dates as well as relationships throughout the years, but I wanted to make a "Don't" list. The biggest "Do" I learned within my current relationship is this; Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort box. For so many years I was shallow with a certain type. Latin men with dark features whom were this, that, and so on. Most were good dressers, were smooth talkers, and tried to empress me with their shallow promises. That's all great for a while, but eventually it fades. My love now wears stripes with camoflauge. He isn't Latin or a smooth talker. But he treats me like a Queen and it's easy to love him. It's fun and funny, and he would never ever laugh at me, only with me. That's the type of guy you want. 

Oh Baby....

Hey Loves...How are you all? So I've been thinking....I would love to hear more about you guys & what you would like me to write about on this blog. This is a two way conversation so let me know any posts or ideas you would want to read about. To be honest...I have been sort of on a writer's block since my last post. As some of you may have seen on my social media I just announced a few weeks ago I'm expecting my first baby. It's so crazy how things can change within a few years, seeing that I had written about ever even having kids...and here I am; knocked up! Lol 

It started in June. I went to my yearly "girl apt" and I remember telling my Dr. I had had done the deed without protection...but wasn't worried because I always thought I'd be one of those women who take forever to get pregnant. We even did a test but it showed up negative. Little did I know I was already but it was too early for my test to detect. A few weeks went by...and it was the middle of July. I was trying to workout and was having the hardest time jumping because my breast pain was so extreme. "Well guess I'm gna start my cycle," I thought. A week went by and still no cycle, but my breast tenderness was out of control. 

Fast forward to taking the test. I took the first one. "YES," with a plus sign. I walked out jaw dropped. No way. Took the second one. Same answer. I couldn't believe it. My love was ecstatic. And so was I now. Things I believed before diminished within a second. My eating/diet obsessions went right out the window. Because it wasn't about me anymore. My selfishness quickly faded in that moment.  

So here I am 15 weeks pregnant and it still doesn't feel real. I don't have a full belly yet, but I def. feel different in a lot of ways....here are just some. 

1) I cry...a lot. Happy, Sad, and "I have no idea tears" are a constant. It's actually funny because they're mostly over something not even that touching, like a cheesy commercial. 

2) I'm itchy! Coco butter helps but not always. 

3) Freedom from dieting. Yes everyone says eat healthy, which I do a lot but I also let myself enjoy & not feel guilty like I did for nearly 17 years if my life. It feels...well great. 

4) I don't have control over my body, the swelling, the exhaustion, and things like that. I have to just go with the flow. Which has been really hard, although with having an autoimmune disease I do know that feeling of not having control always. But I have never been a fan..lol! 

5) It has brought me closer to my boyfriend. I didn't think I could love him more, but now it's a whole new level. 

And last but not least...you'll have to buy new bras every other week. Lol! At least I do. But all in all....it's kinda cool knowing your little one is nesting up in your belly. Last week I had a meltdown to my Dr. over not feeling attractive anymore or in control. Yet hearing my babies heartbeat a few minutes later made it all go away. Because you're building a life, and that baby is already depending on you to eat well, sleep good, be positive, and well take care of her. It's humbling in a lot of ways and I wouldn't trade it for the world. And if you haven't already experienced it, I hope you do.  

Don't Deny Yourself....

Hey Loves...gosh it feels like forever since I've written and in truth it has been forever. I owe you all a big apology. I have been super flakey and inconsistent on this blog the past few years which in turn would make you guys lose faith in my writing. The truth is...I lost faith in it too. You see, I have journaled since I was 12 years old...which makes that like 20 years! (YIKES!) Don't do the math! Lol! No, but honestly I never use to share my entries or my poetry until I did. And people responded well. So I thought, "Gosh maybe this writing thing could be a career or a fun way to inspire people at best!" I was very consistent the first year and a half and then things took a turn.

 

First, I got a little burnt out from it, but most of all I let people's opinions paralyze my need to write. You see...I've always been a open person. Too open some would say, especially in my writing. That doesn't make strangers uncomfortable, which is great because I truly feel I am writing for them anyways. It's the ones you know who do. My last post titled, "My Inner Battle with Food" got quite a bit of feedback...only it was from the ones I knew. There were lots of concerned texts and calls asking if I was okay and that maybe I should even seek therapy (which by the way I have done and am all for it when needed) but there was also embarrassment on other's mind. Gasp! "How could you be so open about your Binge Eating Disorder?" and "Why would you air out your dirty laundry like that?" 

My question is this..."Why wouldn't I?" Where would I be today if no other woman shared their truth in hopes of trying to help others with whatever they were going through. Whether it be a friend, celebrity, Instagram famous, or whichever, each one of us has a story, and why would we deny someone else that if we knew it might help them in some way? When I wrote that blog post, it wasn't to get attention or sympathy. Heck no! I am not a victim in any sense. I wanted to show others that they aren't alone in their struggle is food if that is their struggle. I know the ones whom let me know their opinions over my post were not coming from bad places, but only concern. I appreciate that. I am lucky to have people whom love me that much. Truly. But that same shame I used to feel after a binge was exactly the way that blog post left me feeling; raw, ashamed, and vulnerable. It wasn't anybody's fault but my own though. We choose our reactions to the actions of others. 

 

Which brings me to my point of this whole blog post. You see, in life there will be people telling you what they think is best for you. Whether that's telling you to zip it when you speak too openingly, or to stay put in life because it's the safe route. But we can't live based off of what people tell us to do. Even if your a people pleaser like me. I stand by that blog post. It took a ton of courage to not only write, but to share as well. And to be honest, it freed me in many ways because I have not binged once since that post. Like I said I've struggled up and down through the years, but to get out of that relapse was one of the hardest. And I think in not denying my personal truth is what really did it. Don't deny yourself the urge to share your story. Don't deny yourself to live your life built on your own expectations. And sometimes you shouldn't deny yourself of that extra piece of cake either. Lol! And I promise not to deny you my blogging due to my own selfish insecurities. Because in the end, as much as we need to read what other's have been through to help us, us writers need to write it out as well to do the same.