Can't take that away....

"If you have peace within yourself, nobody can touch you, no matter  what happens."-Mariah Carey

Hi Loves, How is everyone doing? I hope good! I have had a lot of blog ideas lately, & sometimes I do what I had planned but then once I get in front of my laptop I just do what comes to mind, & what I am feeling strongly about at the moment in hopes that somehow someone reading it will too relate & or feel inspired as well. You know the whole reason I started this blog was really not for myself because I have kept a journal since I was 12 years old, so that's something I do already for me. It clears my head, releases my worries, & heals my soul. My journal has been the one place where I can share my most inner thoughts, & will have no judgement or criticism thrown my way. I think of it as writing letters to God, & it truly is a spiritual way of praying for me without leaving my house. I started this blog to share pieces of myself hoping the person on the other side of the screen reading it may feel inspired or not so alone in someway. I am not perfect, am a work in progress, & yet I try to see that as the beauty in this blog because we all go through the same things & feelings sometimes.
      Ever since I was a little girl I always struggled with pleasing people. I wanted to be everyone's friend & would do almost anything to avoid disapproval from not only from my family & friends, but also from strangers. I needed them to like me, accept me, & be satisfied with me & my choices. Lately I am seeing that time after time I keep getting disappointed by people's reactions to some decisions & risks I have been taking. Risks meaning going for certain dreams I have kept deep inside me, risks meaning following passions that make me happy, & risks that bring me out of my comfort zone because of feeling afraid of well..feeling uncomfortable. Uncomfortable how? By feeling disapproved of, feeling judged, or feeling that people will think, "Who does she think she is," type reactions. Because if I stay the same old Janene who is so worried about what people think & who is afraid to show a glimmer of confidence, people may mistake me for conceited. So if I stay the same, then everything will stay safe in my world. And in a way, their world too.
     Some people, well a lot of people whom I have had in my life have always been genuinely happy for me & wanting the best for me. Yet as we get older, sometimes we sees cracks in the authenticity of some. And that is truly heartbreaking. Aren't the ones closest to you supposed to be your biggest cheerleaders? I am finally realizing that whether some support may seem real & some may seem fake, does it really matter? No. Not at all, because the things & opinions that truly only matter are the ones you hear from yourself & when you look in the mirror. We all have our inner voice, our "Subconscious," as Freud would say. It is our voice of reason, our biggest cheerleader, & yet sometimes can be our worst enemy. So it got me thinking, I am already so overly critical of myself let alone worrying about what others think..so why should I?
     I realized that in keeping this blog what I want it to be, which is hopefully inspiring & someway empowering, then it needs to be just that. This is me & who I truly am. So I will continue to be truthful, uncensored, raw, & well be myself whether that makes others uncomfortable or not. I realized I'm going to need to get tougher skin because not everybody is going to like what I say or do, & I need to learn to be okay with that. But here's the thing too, I will always be a little bit sensitive & that's okay, it is who I am. Yet I also need to try & "free myself of these obsessions of trying to please them all, not be a threat because I am going out of my comfort box, & basically not be afraid to just live for me." With the true ones, it won't matter anyways because I never really had to worry. They will celebrate me as I would for them. Because in life, there is room for everyone to be happy, to be successful, & to just believe in themselves. And at this point, I only have room & time in my life for the ones that do. So my sweet friends, go for it, love yourself, & most of all believe in yourself because if you don't then who will? As my Idol Mariah Carey sings in one of my favorite songs from her,"Can't take that away," she says...

Mariah Carey-My Hero since i was a little girl....

                     
They can say anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down, but I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,
Lord, they do try, hard to make me feel that I don't matter at all,
Don't matter at all, but I refuse to falter,
In what I believe, or lose faith in my dreams,
'Cause there's a light in me, that shines brightly,
THEY CAN TRY BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME...