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| The picture that inspired me today..or at least to draw it.. |
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| Me...Black & White...moments alone.. |
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| Rainbow Hope....knowing soon things will make sense. |
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| Relaxing & Soaking up these last days of my Summer... |
Hello Loves, how is everyone today? I have been so bad the past week with my blogging. I started school & then got sick with the flu which I am still recovering from. Who gets sick in 90 degree weather? Yuck! Lol...So how is every one's summer going? Not obsessing too much over your bodies I hope & just enjoying the summer right? I will tell you I have definitely been using food as a comfort these last few days of being sick & I am not happy with myself because food is to nourish our bodies, not to punish. So when I start to treat my body like a trash can by eating whatever, then that is self-punishment. So next time you've had a bad food binge or just a few days of eating crap, think about what you are truly doing to yourself. Not only physically but emotionally as well. But the past is the past so if you ever have, just forgive yourself & move on.
Anyways I have been feeling kind of low these past two weeks, & a bit scattered. Ever feel that way? It is so weird to be 29 & feeling kinda lost, like-"What the hell am I going to do with my life? Meaning my career, if I want to get married, have children, travel the world, become a yoga teacher, artist, nutritionist, writer, etc...In life we have no map book so how do we know if were moving in the right direction, & who's to say our choices aren't "good enough?" Even though I do not envy my married & engaged girlfriends I do envy their husbands...because at the end of the day I realize my best friends get new ones. And where does that leave me? I think that has what really has been on my mind. Not feeling left out of being part of the married crew, but being part of any crew for that matter. I had coffee with one of my good friends D the other night & it was just the conversation I needed to hear. We both always refer to ourselves as "The Late Bloomers" as well as "Free Spirits." Because we are both single, went back to school later in life, still are unsure of which direction to go. So when seeing our other friends partner up, find careers & perfectly mold their dream life as we sit waiting & wondering, is sometimes not the easiest thing. Are we making the right choices? When will certain things get easier? Where will we be in five years? At nearly 35...sounds so scary yet exciting.
Since it had been a draining week emotionally , on Sunday I found myself walking into the yoga studio happier & calmer because I knew I would be able to forget. Forget about all the drama, work, people who had been disappointing me lately, & just close off everyone & everything. When I did that, I wanted to stay in my imaginary world of peace & serenity forever. There were no bills in yoga, no ugly green cane I had to carry, no toxic people, no traffic, no mean words, just peace. There was just approval, no judgement, no opinions, & basically just an amazing teacher telling the class, "Your stronger than you think you are." Am I? Was I? I have been feeling the complete opposite as I let the tears fall in warrior three pose because in hot yoga nobody really can tell if their tears or sweat anyways. Lol. I had decided to do a double that day, meaning 2 classes back to back. I had never done that, at least not two heated ones so I felt very nervous & doubtful, like "Can I do this? Am I strong enough? Do I have enough endurance?" So I just did it, without knowing the outcome yet going in full force. And I guess that's how I need to look at my life right now. Me & my girlfriend D. We do not know the outcome, or have any directions to this thing called life yet does anyone really?. I can't predict who I'll meet, where I'll go, but what I do know is I will keep pushing forward & doing the things I am passionate about, my writing, my yoga, my painting, & hope that those will be the streets that will take me to the home that I'll need to go. Because when I find my home I will find comfort. Within the career I choose, within the city I pick, within the people I surround myself with with, & my life will become settled, familiar, & comfortable just like a home would feel like. Yet first I plan to seek that comfort within myself.
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