A Flawed Species....Saying Goodbye to 2012

Reflection....2012

A writer....

Painting what I want....Yoga equals "Self-Love"

Coffee & Yoga....True Love

"You had the Power all along my dear." -Glinda the Good Witch from "The Wizard of Oz"

        2012....I can not be more happier that a new year is starting. Truly. When I look back on the year I wish I could grab my own self & say, "Breathe...it will all work out." It was a year of lots of moments. Growth, surprise, excitement, letting go, accepting people, taking chances, & believing even when I did not want to any longer. Look I am not gonna sit here & say how great it was because when I look back at the overall year it was hard. Truly one of the hardest & painful years I have ever been through. But the great part in that is after the storm there is always a rainbow. When I think of people I look up too~My Nana, Mariah Carey, & Marilyn Monroe I realize what they have in common is they have all survived some kind of turmoil in their lives. That is only one reason for my admiration for them though obviously. As Mariah once said, "I look at this moment as an incredible blessing. It's part of my struggle. It's made me a stronger person." So that is how I choose to look at the past year, no regret but just lessons. I saw the ugliest of myself within times, yet the strongest part of myself in other times.

      There was a lot of great moments in that I ran my second half marathon, I finished all my classes for my AA degree, I reached a lot of great girls with my writing on instagram like I had wanted to through this blog, I really deepened my yoga practice, & I saw that I can get back up after getting knocked down over & over. I want to be happy, healthy, & at peace. I want to leave behind the girl I was in 2012. Because she was not happy. When I turned thirty a few weeks ago I realized it is now or never. This will be my year. This will be my decade. I am over being a victim of the hard situations God has given me. Each situation I believe that is given to us is a test of our strength, belief, faith, & courage. If we handle each situation with those words we will thrive. I think for me the biggest catalyst of my depression in the year was my health issues, relapsing twice, & not finding an answer. We still do not have a diagnosis but I have faith that after almost two long years of waiting this will be the year. I have to put on my Super Girl Gear though & realize if & when I do relapse again I cannot let it take my happiness away. I need to keep focusing on this moment of remission & repeating everyday, "I am happy, healthy, & will get to where I want to be in life."

My 1st outside run in nearly 6 months...Pure Freedom!

      A few days after my thirtieth birthday this year I prayed & knew my perspective had to change. I stopped looking as God as someone who hated me because of all the unhappiness that was around me, especially in my health situation. Something inside said he was with me, in me, & not against me. But the only way I would know that was if I started to be thankful for what I already had, & to stop focusing on where I was, (which was where I did not want to be) but where I wanted to be, (in remission.) And a few days later after 6 long months my legs went back into remission & I was able to run outside! Do you even know how AMAZING that felt?! I knew it was not just a coincidence, but this was his way of letting me know he would heal me. First I had to heal myself. I admit I talked a lot more than I did this year. I am ready to DO this year. To really BE inspiring, to BE the artist I have always wanted to be & paint things I want to paint, not what I think people will like. To BE the independent woman I know I can be & get certain things in order. To BE more open, open to people's thoughts, to love, to taking chances, to change, to basically just be open....

Love, Laughter, & Hope in 2013....

        I am flawed & I saw a lot of my own flaws reflected back to me this year from people's words of what they really thought of me, either by saying it to my face or behind my back. Those words stung, but I am truly ready to take the pain & use it. To grow from the words that come from a place of love, & leave behing the ones that are not. To replenish the relationships I have pushed away because of my own issues, to prove not just the doubters wrong but show myself that I am good enough, smart enough, & worthy enough to have a Happy Ending too. So Thank-you to all the Amazing People who follow & take the time to read this blog. All I ever wanted was to be real & inspire others by being ME. I may have sounded like a broken record at times....but I was truthful & sometimes you have to repeat to yourself over & over that you will get through something in order to truly get over it. Remember no matter what your going through, you have to "Go through it to Get through it." Not everyone may have been able to relate to my blog this past year either if they were not going through a hard time, & that is okay. Each year is a chapter, & this was a harder chapter for me to take in. So let's say "Goodbye" to 2012 together & start fresh. I cannot wait to see the gifts God has in store for me....Happy New Year Loves!!!