Beauty & the Perception of it all...

Me, Myself, & I....

The Beauty of Health....

Me...Bare...no makeup..no mask

Hello Loves, I know it has only been since Sunday but I am getting the urge to blog more than once a week. So I hope you all do not get sick of me..LOL. How is everyone today? It is mid week but a day off for me. I am truly savoring all these free days of relaxation because school starts soon & I tend to overdue it. Anyways speaking of not overdoing it & learning better self-care Monday I went to Trader Joe's at the beginning of the week & stocked up on lots of yummy healthy foods & mineral water. I have decided to go on a no sugar (or very low), no fake sugar (I am ending my love affair with diet coke), no dairy, anti-inflammatory plan. I don't want to use the word, "Diet" either because I am an overall healthy eater..I have lost the same 45 pounds twice after gaining it due to my prednisone use over the years. My body has been very understanding of my yo yo weight throughout the years, the things my auto immune disease has put it through, & sometimes my overindulging in things such as sweets, alcohol, junk food...Lol. So I have been eating more fruits & vegetables (although I always eat a lot of those anyways), more water, & less processed food. Do I miss it all? Well it has only been 3 days, & I have sneaked a little in here or there. And I am okay with that because it is a life change. If eating this way will improve my Wegeners I am all for it! (Wegener's Granulomatosis is what I have). I've gained about 10 pounds in the last year but I am not gonna obsess over it. I get depressed because I cannot workout as much due to my relapse & then let my good eating habits go a little bit. But this time I don't want to use bad food to cope with it. I want to show my body self care by putting the right things in it. Here's the thing too as I turn 30 this year I truly want to banish beating myself up for not having that perfect body or being that perfect size. I was at my lowest weight over a year ago & I remember thinking I was finally where I had wanted to be so bad yet was still not perfectly happy like I assumed I would be. I even remember thinking, "Well if I was only 10 pounds thinner." What?! When would it ever be enough? Then it hit me; all this weight stuff was just a fabrication, it was not the key to true happiness or confidence. Sure I'd still would like to lose that ten I gained back plus another 5 for my height but I am not going to obsess. I refuse, my poor legs can't even walk without a cane right now so why would I scold them or hiss at them for not being a perfect size? Would I talk to a child that way? No...so why would I do that to my body right now? I just dream of being healthy again & back in remission. Nothing more. I'm also realizing that feeling beautiful is not about being a perfect size 2, 6, 8 or even 0 to some...it is all about perception. So I am enjoying those moments when I do feel beautiful at this weight. I feel beautiful when someone hugs me, when I get a sweet comment about my writing, when I have a man I care for tell me they think I'm beautiful to them, when I hug a child I care for, when I eat clean foods & feel light. There are so many things at the moment I have to be grateful for & that make me feel beautiful already. I do know when I run or do yoga I feel like a Goddess, Lol...but I physically cannot do those things right now..so I will be grateful for what I CAN do. That's swimming, writing, spending time with loved ones, working a job I love & helping my clients. Beauty is truly different for everyone. So what makes you feel beautiful? Do you have amazing children that think the world of you? Or a best friend who makes you feel needed? A husband who adores you? Beauty is good health. Beauty is the person with the bald head going through chemo praying to survive. Beauty is the man opening the door for an elderly person who may not be strong enough. Beauty is a person who does for another yet doesn't expect anything in return. Beauty is the single mother who works 3 jobs to support her children. Beauty is someone who doesn't judge. Beauty is a lot of things. I feel the most beautiful after a workout, or being home fresh out of a shower & enjoying me time. I feel beautiful when my Doctor looks at me & says, "Your bloodwork is perfect." Beauty is you, Beauty is me, & it is exactly the way one chooses to see it.