F~A~I~T~H...

One of my favorite pictures from 1 of the 9 years I ran the Susan G. Komen  Breast Cancer 5k..

Not physically at the Race, but definitely emotionally there....

Getting my 5th tattoo done...yet this "Nana" one means so much...

My Infamous "Nana" tattoo I have been wanting to get forever..now I can look down at my wrist & be reminded that I am never alone ...

       Hello Loves, How are you all? I've missed you & my blogging! Things have been truly been crazy in every way & to be quite honest I have contemplated taking a break from it. As I've mentioned before I am truly going through a lot & am feeling a little scattered but I guess I need to remember we all go through our own trials & I am hoping in sharing some of mine it helps. I want my posts to get more happier, but I also need to do that within myself, right? Today on instagram I got a beautiful comment from one of my friends saying the sweetest compliment about my blog & how it was "Beautiful, Uplifting, & made her want to be a better person." And we all want that I guess. So even though sharing so much about myself personally does have it's cons, most of the pros usually outweigh it when I read like that.

         Anyways as most of you know Sunday, Sep. 23rd was the Susan G. Komen 5k that I run every year for my Nana who passed away from it almost 15 years ago. It would of been my 10th year in a row but since my legs have been giving me issues, I was not able too. But oddly enough I am still able to run on the treadmill. So the morning of the race I woke up, put on my race clothes, & found one of my old bibs from a previous race. It even had the safety pins on it still. I called my Dad into my room to pin the bib on my back like he's done so many years in a row. What I love was his normalcy to me in that he walked me to the garage as if we were actually there & wished me well on my race just like the 9 years in a row. I also made sure to run at the same time as the race really was which was at 7:30 in the morning. I also had a sweet girl who had seen me mention on instagram posting about my Nana & the race so she wrote Nana's name on her bib to run for me. It was truly a touching moment. Every year I always play Mariah Carey's "Hero" on my ipod the last mile & so I did that as well. I wanted to make it feel as real as possible. That is when I got emotional. This race was not only for my Nana, but for me as well. It was back in 2003 the year I was diagnosed with my autoimmune disease & the first time I ran this race I was 45 pounds heavier from all the steroids they had put me on, I had been in the hospital just a week earlier, & felt..well broken. To run that race was a metaphor for me in that "I would get through that storm." And my Nana was who gave me that strength.

         So I guess the meaning in that race is something only I could understand & the faith implanted in me after that first 5k I'll never forget. That being said with this new medical condition with my legs & cane I feel sometimes like that 20 year old broken girl again. But I don't want to feel that way or be her. So this year's race was emotional for many reasons because a year & half I have been waiting patiently for a diagnosis over my leg issues, because were pretty positive it isn't being caused by my autoimmune disease. I just wait in limbo for an answer, & it gets old I guess. After the race aka: treadmill session..LOL, I had booked a tattoo appointment. I went to get my "Nana" tattoo that I have been wanting & planning to get forever. I felt race day would be the perfect day. And it came out beautiful & even though I know she is always with me I can be reminded of that on a bad day when I look at my right wrist.We had to find the smallest pieces of laughter that day, even if that day it only lasted for a moment. And holding onto Faith in every little moment as well. It was a very long day for me, & when I got home I was emotionally exhausted as well as physically. I thought about the array of emotions I had experienced within one day & wondered how I had got through it. Then I remembered how..Faith.